I’m the Man Who Gets Paid to Say “Tut Tut” Every Time You Think About Sex by Lillie Franks|October 16, 2023
At Our Montessori School, We Offer Drug Culture Without the Drugs by Adam Dietz and Troy Doetch|October 14, 2023
Easy Answers to Common Job Interview Questions for Anyone Who Was Saved by a Swamp Creature When They Were Nine by Tyler Gooch|October 13, 2023
This Country Music Star Is Not Apologizing for Stealing Your Lunch from the Office Fridge by Troy Doetch|October 12, 2023
Teens Need to Put Down Their Phones and Get Hunted by Me, a Masked Killer by Lillie Franks|October 3, 2023
Reasons Why This Page Was Left Intentionally Blank by Phil Burton and Wendy Parnell|September 27, 2023
Maximize Anxiety While Prepping for Your Annual Physical by Laura Berlinsky-Schine|September 27, 2023
At VERMO Liquid Ant Baits, We Don’t Sell Insecticide, We Sell Experiences by Coleman Larkin|September 26, 2023
Congratulations Patriot, You’ve Been Selected to Get Launched into Space by Dave Anderson|September 25, 2023
Congratulations, It Was All Worth It: You Were Hand-Selected to Apply for a Discover Miles Credit Card by God and His Angels by Hannah June|September 23, 2023
I Went to a Concert and Took a Bunch of Terrible Videos for Us to Watch Together Right Now by Emily Kling|September 20, 2023
Wow, So All 30 of You Robbed a Nordstrom but None of You Texted Me? by Mike Carrier|September 19, 2023
Emily, This Is Your Bank That Cares: You’re Overdrawn, Sweetie by Stephanie Redmond|September 18, 2023
I Thought I Was Reporting a Simple Story About Pothole Repairs—I Couldn’t Believe I Was Right by Eddie Small|September 15, 2023
Help! I Wished for a Kitchen Island and Now I’m Stranded in the Atlantic by Steph Westendorf|September 14, 2023
Better Responses to the Question “What Do You Do?” When You’re Unemployed by Graeme Carey|September 13, 2023
Fool Me Once, Shame on You, Fool Me Twenty Times and That’s a Situation by Lillie Franks|September 13, 2023
For Our Wedding, Please Buy Us Useless Kitchen Shit Off Our Registry by Emily Kapp and Daniel Stillman|September 11, 2023
Beyoncé Concert Report from Someone Who Only Knows Her from “Austin Powers’ Goldmember” by Rodney Uhler|September 9, 2023
The Ultimate Personality Test: Are You Myers or Briggs from the Myers-Briggs Test? by Tyler Gooch|September 6, 2023
Did You Write a Poem About Your Grandmother’s Comb? Open Calls from Rad Litmags That Want to Hear from You by Amy Rothschild|September 6, 2023
My Metamorphosis into a Monstrous Vermin Went Pretty Great, Actually by Lillie Franks|September 1, 2023
Shackleton Journal Entry or Me Experiencing Heatstroke on the Picket Line? by Berkley Johnson|August 28, 2023
I Took 2,365,912 Selfies This Year, Making Me the Most Photographed Person in the World by Lindsey Lorenzana|August 28, 2023
Guestbook Entries from a Hotel That Definitely Has a Man in the Walls by Mo Gascoigne|August 24, 2023
Ruling of Judge Mom, in the Superior Court of Target, on Motion for LOL Surprise O.M.G. Doll by Nick Morgan|August 23, 2023
I’m Your Yoga Instructor and I’m Hitting on Some Weirdly Specific Things About You During This Class by Jason Garramone|August 22, 2023
Prepare for Your Mouth’s Ecosystem to Be Decimated by Our Daring New Doritos Flavors by Sarah Lehman|August 21, 2023
An Open Letter to the Receipt I Just Got at CVS That Is Inexplicably the Length of a Goddamn Jump Rope by Berkley Johnson|August 19, 2023
10 Ways Creating a Numbered List Will Help You Feel like You Can Bring Meaning and Organization to This Chaotic, Random World by Simon Henriques|August 18, 2023
Google Maps Reviews of the Prickleback Nuclear Testing Facility in Sopps-Daisy, Tennessee by Augusta Chapman|August 16, 2023
A Week of Announcements from the Town Crier Who Just Moved to Your Neighborhood by Lauren Piskothy|August 15, 2023
The Best Ways to Make Money in 2023 If You Are a Victorian Child Ghost by Daniel Licht|August 14, 2023
Stop! Please Read These Very Specific Instructions Before Using Our Toilet! by J. Taylor Lee|August 10, 2023
“Be Careful, the Plate Is Hot” and Other Honest Pointers from Your Server by Stephanie Redmond|August 7, 2023
My High School Classmate Bought a House—It’s Haunted, but I’m Still Jealous by Lea Chin-Sang|August 4, 2023
Despite a Shockingly Low Number of Applicants, You Somehow Did Not Get This Residency by Joe Weisberger|August 1, 2023
Now That Everyone Knows Aliens Exist, Can I Please Hang Out with You Guys after Work? by Erin Ross|July 28, 2023
An Honor to Be Nominated: Why I Must, Regrettfully, Refuse This Blunt by Sarah Perret-Goluboff|July 27, 2023
“Can’t We Just Like, Blow Up His House?” and Other Things You Apparently Can’t Say to a Friend Going Through a Breakup by Lea Chin-Sang|July 24, 2023
Letter to My Wife After She Casually Told Me She Knew Someone Who Was Eaten by a Lion Ten Years into Our Relationship by BD Merritt|July 22, 2023
I Used to Be on the Left; Then They Laughed at My Forbidden Experiments by Lillie Franks|July 19, 2023
The Moments When I Realized My Dates Were a Bunch of Spiders in a Trench Coat by Daniel Licht|July 12, 2023
Why I, a 1960s Business Man Having an Affair, Believe Everyone Needs to Return to Office by Carly Silverman|July 11, 2023