A School Supply List Teeming with Existential Dread
3 washable school "Sure, I’m sticky now, but I’ll eventually be left out to dry" glue sticks
Comedy Writing
Welcome to the Writing Workshop Where We Don’t Write
Give in to this workshop not by writing, but by taking turns asking for more condiments, plates, and silverware as I stash them in my purse.
I’ve Written the Best, or Quite Possibly the Worst, Novel Ever
It’s the very best thing I’ve ever written. Or, it’s the worst book ever typed into existence. Which one it is, I can’t say for sure.
Baby Gifts I Registered For vs. Gifts My Baby Actually Wanted
Registered: A brand new crib with a breathable, hypoallergenic mattress / My Baby Wanted: Our dog’s bed, full of dog hair and slobbery toys
My Child Is Perfect, Even Though He’s a Venomous Gila Monster
I don’t appreciate your judgment. You hurt me deeper than any wound my son has inflicted with his sharp claws.
This Fall, I’m Going Balls to the Wall with Flannel
The ER doctor at San Diego General Hospital claimed my vision was a fever dream induced by sleeping in a flannel thermal jacket.