“Pontius Pilates” is a lot like regular Pilates except you let the masses decide which muscle group to work out that day.

A Narwhal-nado would be much deadlier than a Sharknado, if you think about it.

Every cable news program claims to take me, “beyond the headlines.” Where can I find one that is JUST headlines?

Girlfriend got me a gift card for calf implants this year for Valentine’s (same gift as last year). Gonna be nice to finally get the other leg to match.

I'm going to start a program called “Doctors with Borders,” where doctors just kind of shrug their shoulders.