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Still Water Gin and Tonic: Just add 1 part gin to 2 parts tap water and serve chilled!
Beg. Lie prostrate before corporate HQ and beg. You are not above this. You have never been above this.
If thou believes thy hands cleansed when 20 seconds have tarried, thou art awakening for ill news.
You come into possession of 12-25 sample eye creams. Every few weeks you get another one. How do they get there? What do they do? No one knows.
Yankee Candle's “Slow Burn” -- Put a Yankee Candle procedural on and let the stock characters and soothing storylines melt your stress away.
Mina, it's me Drac! 479 is the new 35! Please message me back. I’m going batshit crazy without you.
She went on an all-inclusive vacation with her girlfriends last summer. She got double the number of Facebook birthday messages you did.
I love to kick back and escape my many problems by throwing on some real archival footage of a man who horrifically murdered his entire family.
In hindsight, you probably should have spent more time tilling the ground than posting seductive selfies in your gardening hat, but that's okay.
We’re not doing this online, it’s too easy, too predictable (plus I’m not allowed to get online for 18 more months, minimum).
Tear open an envelope. If you discover a dollar bill, you’re having a boy! If there’s only 81 cents inside, a girl is on her way!
Half the time now I am awfully lazy, and scroll through my phone ever so much. John says I mustn't lose my mind reading article after article.