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I’ll scream your name as many times as you’d like, or, as a new feature, I’ll rip my shirt off to reveal another shirt with a picture of you screaming.
You spent 49 hours listening to our ear-piercing message alert sound…
It was fantastic! In the first week, I knocked over the office water cooler 36 times!
If you hear Wham!’s “Last Christmas” at Trader Joe’s, stop shopping immediately and guzzle a 32 oz. carton of eggnog. Post #Whamanogageddon!
I never snuck out because unfortunately, my parents understood that late-night parties were an integral part of a teenager’s socialization.
After learning that Big Bird’s top four films on Letterboxd were American, Jeremy forced Big Bird to undergo something called “Bergman Boot Camp.”
You sit down with a macchiato to check Instagram, so you go to join the Wifi, and instead of a clever name, you find yourself logging on to "ATT117x"?
You see a small cottage at the edge of the field-- “A cottage? What is this? A visualization or something?”
There is one sliver of happiness, and it can be discovered only in the pages of children’s books depicting the cross-sections of ships, old and new.
German Shallot Stew: Wait… this is a little too similar to French Onion Soup. No worries. We’ve got plenty more recipes!
Bath time shall last a minimum of three hours or until I’ve shriveled to one-half my natural size. ABSOLUTELY NO HAIR WASHING.
The criminals must have also found it easy to sneak around me, due to the rug, and fireplace, and radio.