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While you were once regaled with the chimes of wedding bells, you now shrivel before a vinegary antipasto and await the crushing gavel of defeat.
Think of me as the gamma-ray to your Bruce Banner, only I give you none of the superpowers and all of the anger.
Oh, and instead of those dozens of legs you’re used to, you’ll have six legs and there’ll be basically tongues on the end of each of them.
Quantum teleportation. Do you need more reasons? If we had teleportation machines, then highway traffic and accidents wouldn’t be a problem.
Have you been sculpting a triumphal arch, but can’t nail the reliefs? Are you hammering away at that sarcophagus, but the measurements are all off?
Paul’s Empty Advil Container That He Repurposed to Hide His State Quarters: Cast the pill bottle aside and fill your pockets with the beautiful coins.
Our patented "Mega Explosion" technology will detonate into the shape of the Union Jack, then a middle finger, followed by the word “America.”
Strawberry Mayonnaise Daiquiris: Sounds terrible, right? The first few are, but I’m on my third one now and I can’t even taste them anymore.
As a real American bird, I’m going to get down on the ground and fight a sewer rat for half of a discarded Chalupa.
[BOOM BOOM] “U-S-A! U-S-A!” [BOOM] “Do you ever wonder what would happen if everyone got sick all at once, though? [BOOM] "What?"
Phrases evoking imagery of a well-powered cabin like, “pedal like my kitchen appliances depended on it,” could be a huge red flag.
Despite everything I do, the only thing anyone can remember is a rumor that I mistook chicken poop for Runts candy.