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Don’t just stand there, staring at me. You’ve never asked for my consent. I don’t want to be three inches from your swollen uvula.
I eat at dawn. As soon as the sun's crescent pierces the horizon I will eat my dog chow. Or else I will go ape shit.
It's a head-scratcher to be confused with one of America's most consistent box office draws; an actor with the range to do both comedy and drama.
Undoubtedly a continuation of the Dada movement, "Screaming At The Sun" was so avant-garde, so groundbreaking, and just SO RANDOM xD.
Knitting With Dog Hair: The three sets of socks will keep Jonathan's feet warm when he is cold and his mouth shut when he is snoring.
Did it ever occur to you that I wrote backwards because I was a private guy who kept to himself? You think social anxiety wasn’t a thing in 1507?
There’s nothing I love more than hearing all types of fireworks one after the other. Sometimes it’s a bunch of little ones; like 25 in a row.
I definitely don’t lay in bed motionless, hovering between sleep and wakefulness, until finally my hungry cat comes and scream-meows in my face.
Did you know that Bill Gates actually invented racism? It’s something he put in all the vaccines. ALL OF THEM. But no, you probably don’t want to hear that
Things are changing in our country. But one thing that remains constant, however, is the Buzz Lightyear action figure stuck up my anus.
While you were once regaled with the chimes of wedding bells, you now shrivel before a vinegary antipasto and await the crushing gavel of defeat.
Think of me as the gamma-ray to your Bruce Banner, only I give you none of the superpowers and all of the anger.