Valentine’s Day Notes from My Severely Color Blind Partner
Life is never blue when I’m with you. P.S. What’s blue?
You can find Tmo's work on Points In Case, Slackjaw, Jane Austen’s Wastebasket, The Weekly Humorist, Robot Butt and others. He also collects celebrity autographs but only has 1 and can't remember where he put it.
Life is never blue when I’m with you. P.S. What’s blue?
Fantasy: Emotionally, I am more stable than a 1000-year-old Sequoia. Reality: I faked a cat allergy when my wife caught me crying at Toy Story 3.
I’m really excited to get to know you better! Where do you live? What are your hobbies? What are you eating right now?
I offered to go back into the ring and pretend to get knocked out, but it was too late, especially since I had already taken my shoes and socks off.
I threw out my back yesterday and can’t even move today. I’m going to need to take a sick day. (Translation: My cat is sleeping on my lap)
How is it that my morning routine is simultaneously killing me while also helping me barely cling to dear life?
My dad caught me smoking cigarettes and made me finish the whole pack. Then he caught me looking at his Playboys and made me masturbate to every single page.
Some people say video games lead to violence. I say we should kill those people.
“I don’t watch porn because it’s too unrealistic.” -Guy with 20-inch penis
I don’t like when dogs hump things because they’re not even that good looking.