A Categorical Ranking of Dogs
Gamer Dogs: Dogs playing poker / Dogs cheating at poker / The puppies in the Puppy Bowl
Gamer Dogs: Dogs playing poker / Dogs cheating at poker / The puppies in the Puppy Bowl
CAUTION: I’ve killed before and I’ll kill again. You’re probably thinking: “Why would a soft, soft teddy bear kill a baby?"
Oh lord, here comes my nemesis: the dessert menu! If I get a slice of the tres leches cake, you’ll all have a bite, right?
A Western omelette from a bodega served in a Styrofoam tray: You are a nihilist and people should actually be afraid of you.
WELL GUESS THEY CAUGHT ME. GREAT JOB. BECAUSE I PUT MY BLOOD SWEAT AND TEARS. OH GOD SO MANY FUCKING TEARS INTO THIS DRINK.
We cigarettes just taste better abroad. The exact science is unclear, but it’s probably because we’re free of toxic ingredients like judgmental looks from your friends.
After what happened last summer, I will not run after the Freddy’s Frozen Freaks ice cream truck.
$432.01 - Limbo Beach Bar. Reason: We definitely thought we’d be closing some deals by shouting “Drinks on us!” We were wrong. Bummer.
These are the party animals who travel cross-country to see every footnote in person.
How do you respond to claims that your true identity is Speaker Guy and your do-good speaker smashing is a ruse to crank up speaker demand?
Obviously, not eating tacos isn’t an option, so here’s some helpful ways to hide your undignified devouring.
I don’t let my face betray what I’m beholding because I’m a pro, and I like to maintain an air of mystery, but sometimes it’s just like, yeesh.