Is Someone Giving You the Gen Z Stare, or Are You Nude from the Waist Down in Public?
Customer service sure isn’t like it used to be, you think, as you hear the entrance door jingle and feel cold air around your nether regions.
Tag: Editors’ Picks
What I Hope My Dentist Will Say to Me When I Visit for the First Time in Six Years
Frankly, I’m just excited to have you back in my chair. After all, you ARE my favorite patient! Also, in many ways, you’re like a son to me.
I Have Designated Myself as the Chief Operating Officer of This Fun Weekend Trip
Emily, I couldn’t help but notice you texted “we’re gonna soooooooooo fucked up. 🤪” Would you be willing to own next steps on that?
How to Explain a Hole to a Two-Dimensional Being
A clumsy answer could lead to confusion. Too much detail, and you risk sending your flat friend into an existential spiral.
I Know Your Siren Song Is Famous, but I’d Love to Hear You Sing Something More Contemporary
But, if I could offer one tiny suggestion, while you sound amazing, the song choice doesn’t show off your full potential.
I’m Your Landlord, and That’s Not Mold, It’s “MushroomCore”
Let me stop you. That’s not mold. That’s ambiance. That’s character. That’s the sort of authentic, rustic charm people pay top dollar for.
This Town Ain’t Properly Zoned for the Two of Us
Ya'll must be nuttier than a squirrel's mouth to think you can set up establishments WITHOUT proper certification and licenses.
How to Determine Whether the Person You’re on a First Date With Is Actually Shaquille O’Neal in Disguise
For the fourth time this month you’re asking yourself: am I on a date with Hall-of-Famer Shaquille O’Neal wearing an elaborate disguise?
Why Isn’t That Thing I’ve Been Putting Off Doing Already Done?
Can’t you see how clean my oven is? How filed my taxes are? How very walked my dog is? And yet, the thing is still not done.
A Categorical Ranking of Dogs
Gamer Dogs: Dogs playing poker / Dogs cheating at poker / The puppies in the Puppy Bowl
I’m the Safety Tag on a Baby Product and, Yeah, I’m Going to Kill Your Baby
CAUTION: I’ve killed before and I’ll kill again. You’re probably thinking: “Why would a soft, soft teddy bear kill a baby?"
Let’s Be Bad!
Oh lord, here comes my nemesis: the dessert menu! If I get a slice of the tres leches cake, you’ll all have a bite, right?