What I Imagined “Going to the Bar” Would Be Like When I Was 12 Years Old Versus How It Was Last Week
Reality: The bar door is a push not a pull, and I make quite a scene trying to open it.
Tag: Editors’ Picks
A Few Housekeeping Items Before We Stop the Nuclear Disaster
Now is the time for us to act quickly and decisively. But first, let’s take a moment to acknowledge our May birthdays!
Open Letter from a Group of Dead Grandmas Who Don’t Appreciate the Tattoos You Got to “Honor” Them
But now, a poor approximation of Jean Marie that looks similar to a haunted Victorian child is disfiguring the thighs of her two living legacies.
Insufficient Reasons for Using the Bat-Signal
The office toilet backing up is probably not the best use of The Dark Knight's time.
Why Wasn’t Your Book Dedicated to Me, Your Obvious Inspiration for the Antagonist?
And his use of my signature catchphrase, “Smell you forever because you stink that bad.” I knew I should have had that copyrighted.
Lost Dog: Do Not Chase, Respectfully Acknowledge
If spotted, DO NOT CHASE. Instead, acknowledge his beauty, respectfully. Obviously all dogs are beautiful, but he’s a stunner.
I Think My Pen Pal Might Be My Dog Trying to Get a Bite of a Ham Sandwich
I’m really excited to get to know you better! Where do you live? What are your hobbies? What are you eating right now?
Does Listening to an Audiobook Count as Reading If I’m Asleep?
Some part of my subconscious is absorbing everything though, right?
Your Bank’s Insurance Application Has Been Denied Because It’s in a Heist Movie
Remember the opening scene from "The Dark Knight"? That was one of ours.
It’s Time for Celebrity Talk Shows to Up the Ante
Tech Check: Celebs reflect on life, love and their rise to the top while being interrupted by their grandfather asking for help with his smartphone.
Excerpts from the Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, If Holmes Was from Chicago
“This is my friend, Sherlock Holmes. He’s from America.” “Not just America, actually. I’m from Chicago.”
Don’t Be Nervous on Your First Day of Time Travel Because You Retired Yesterday After Fifty Years and We’re All Going to Miss You
Periodically you might encounter your double. Do not engage, especially for sex.