Yes, I’m Superman, but I’d Rather Talk About My New Jazz Album
I may be able to melt steel with my laser vision, but I can also melt faces with my dazzling clarinet solos.
Comedy Writing
Will I Watch Your Stuff for a Second? I Will Guard It with My Life
I swear to you by all that is holy and true I will defend your 2015 MacBook and Moleskine notebook with every fiber of my being.
Little-Known First Date Tips to Guarantee a Second Date
You Can Mention Frankie Muniz, But Don’t Harp on It: This feels like an obvious one but it is worth mentioning.
How to Spice Up Your Good Cop, Bad Cop Routine
Taylor Swift "Reputation" Era Cop, Taylor Swift "1989" Era Cop – Good luck resisting this interrogation technique, criminals.
Your Password Isn’t Good Enough to Create an Account, Dumbass
No capital letters? Might as well post your Social Security number.
Earnings Call from Little Timmy’s Lemonade Stand
Setting up this stand in my backyard all those days ago, I never imagined the places we would go; we are now in the front yard.
I, Jesus Christ, Hath Risen and Wow You Guys Have a Lot of Seltzer Brands Now
How do these seltzer companies make money in such a saturated market? What gives?