Taylor Swift “Reputation” Era Cop, Taylor Swift “1989” Era Cop

Good luck resisting this interrogation technique, criminals.

“Reputation” era cop storms into the room with her black outfit, giving the perp a knuckle sandwich and saying, “look what you made me do,” when all of the sudden “1989” era cop comes in with a bob haircut and earworm hooks for days to put the perp at ease and ready to “shake off” those racketeering charges by cooperating in a RICO investigation.

Good Cop, “I Can’t Believe It Is Already December” Cop

As the good cop lays the groundwork, the “I Can’t Believe It Is Already December” Cop prattles on about how crazy it is that it’s the month that it is, seeming to forget the linear nature of time. Every conversation will be brought back to how stunned I.C.B.I.I.AD. cop is that we are so close to January, when it felt like it was just November.

The perp will be so disoriented and frustrated they will immediately confess.

Good Cop, Soccer Cop

While the good cop comes in and offers the perp a cigarette or cotton-flavored vape pen, soccer cop will immediately fall to the floor and demand a card. If that doesn’t work, soccer cop will continue to pass the conversation back and forth until the perp finally relents, just because they want something to happen.

Hobbes Cop, Locke Cop

You will be guaranteed to break a perp when Hobbes cop comes, banging his fists on the table and espousing the need for absolute rule by a single monarchical individual for punks like them incapable of just thought. But all of a sudden Locke cop comes in to remind the perp that Natural Law dictates man inherently knows right from wrong on a primal level, and that the perp should be forgiven for robbing that Jamba Juice.

Good Cop, Improv Cop

Good cop will come in with a glass of water and ask the perp where he was on the 16th of November, to which improv cop says, “why, he was at the balloon store with Matthew McConaughey!” Improv cop will then enter a scene with a very weak premise, only driven by a tired, mediocre celebrity impression. The perp will confess to anything and everything to stop this from happening.

After each answer the perp gives, improv cop will say “yes, and” to garner more information.

Good Cop, Clickbait Cop

After the good cop grabs the perp a glass of water and settles him down, clickbait cop jumps in to say that one of the perp's accomplices has confessed, and if he wants to know who, the perp will have to sit through a 15-second video ad for an app that nobody under the age of 50 plays.

If the perp gets testy, clickbait cop can hit them with an “OMG You Won’t Believe How Many Years You Won’t See Your Wife And Kids For If You Don’t Confess To Murder.”

Meisner Cop, Method Cop

As Meisner cop enters the interrogation room focusing on the external forces driving his performance and reacting to them, he asks the perp about the murder of that college student, but carefully making sure to react spontaneously and naturally to the situation. Method cop then enters, having taken a dive deep into the role of a cop by going through years of Police Academy training and spending every weekday, 9-5, for 20 years, being an actual police officer, which helps immensely in portraying a police officer.

The perp will be so impressed by the realism of these techniques that they are forced to confess to the murder of that college student, and give the cops SAG-AFTRA Awards.