The Vision I Had When I Bought This Kitchen Appliance Versus Reality
Cast-Iron Pan Reality: The cake turns out “rustic,” but in a bad way.
Comedy Writing
Introducing the “Choose Your Most Important Body Part” Health Insurance Plan
Choose a select body part for coverage. Options may include*: arm (1 only), leg (1 only), eye (1 only), lip (1 only), tongue, neck, forehead, or skin (maximum 1 square ft section).
From Your Airbnb Host: Please Do Not Disturb Big Dolly
I understand your concern about a Victorian doll covered in real ashes from a 200-year-old fireplace watching you as you sleep.
Every Person at Your Job
THE BOSS: This is your BOSS. It’s in all caps, because he (it’s a man, always a man) wants you to be clear that he is your BOSS.
Bruce Springsteen Lyrics Mad Libs
You know what rips you to shreds? [synonym for life]. [slang term for a woman in the 1970s], let’s get married.
Maximize Anxiety While Prepping for Your Annual Physical
Google “What does sexually active mean?” Is it like you’re having sex right at that moment? In the past year? Ever?
Please Enjoy Our 62-Ingredient Bloody Mary
We’ve also shitloaded that thing with, like, 17 green olives from the most overpriced gourmet grocery store we could find.
How to Make Your Zoom Meetings More French
Have a visible breakfast of two croissants, orange juice, and a glass of red wine on Zoom. Complain how you had to make the croissants by hand.