Chilling Tales from Your Late 20s
You come into possession of 12-25 sample eye creams. Every few weeks you get another one. How do they get there? What do they do? No one knows.
Latest Comedy
Recent Comedy
Yep, Your High School Bully Is Still Thriving
She went on an all-inclusive vacation with her girlfriends last summer. She got double the number of Facebook birthday messages you did.
I Love Unwinding After a Long, Stressful Day by Watching a Documentary About a Man Who Murdered His Wife and Children
I love to kick back and escape my many problems by throwing on some real archival footage of a man who horrifically murdered his entire family.
Please Don’t Cover Your Abandoned Pandemic Garden During the Frost, We Just Want to Die
In hindsight, you probably should have spent more time tilling the ground than posting seductive selfies in your gardening hat, but that's okay.
Sign Up for My Karate School Correspondence Class
We’re not doing this online, it’s too easy, too predictable (plus I’m not allowed to get online for 18 more months, minimum).
List: What He Means When He Says “You’re Not Like the Other Girls”
You have a personality. Other girls don’t. They have no personality. They aren’t funny and they have no hobbies or interests to speak of.
Socially-Conscious Activities for Gender Reveal Parties
Tear open an envelope. If you discover a dollar bill, you’re having a boy! If there’s only 81 cents inside, a girl is on her way!
The Yellow Removable Wallpaper
Half the time now I am awfully lazy, and scroll through my phone ever so much. John says I mustn't lose my mind reading article after article.
List: 47 Corporate Buzzwords Redefined for Work-At-Home Times
Early Adopters: The line you wished you’d gotten into to get the better kids than the ones you’re in lockdown with.
Ideas for New NFL Mascots: Hackers, Salmonella, and Road Rage
Imagine the home-field advantage for the SF Identity Thieves as their mascot "Guccifer 7.0" announces credit card info of the opposing players.
Trying to Network at an Orgy
Can you introduce me to any shadowy figures who run the government here?
Simon Says for the Presidential Debate’s Nashville Audience
Simon says please welcome the presidential candidates with any sort of noises you find appropriate—bearing in mind their last performance.
The Unauthorized Biography of Barky Malone
The book mentions a reoccurring nightmare of his, where Bigfoot would chase him across an endless plain, demanding he fill out a brief survey.
Sherlock Homes and the Mystery of the Missing Romance
My girlfriend first noticed the absence of romance while I was in a stained dressing gown, digging wax from my ears while reminiscing about my ex.
List: 11 Money Moves Every Six-Year-Old Needs to Make Today
Fund your retirement account - The best time to start investing is when you’re born. The second best time is when you’re completely potty-trained.
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