List: 11 Money Moves Every Six-Year-Old Needs to Make Today
Fund your retirement account - The best time to start investing is when you’re born. The second best time is when you’re completely potty-trained.
Latest Comedy
Recent Comedy
My Name Is, Uh, Señor Greenwood, and I’ll Be Your Substitute Teacher Today
Now, I should say that I don’t speak Spanish, but I do speak un poquito Spanish. Is that bueno with everyone?
List: 15 Printed Onesies Worn by Babies Who Will Eventually Struggle to Move Up Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs
25% Mommy, 25% Daddy, 25% Mommy’s Yoga Coach, 15% Daddy’s Secretary, 5% Tinder Guy Who Was Into Daddy and Daddy’s Secretary, 5% Lube, 100% PERFECT ME!
Our President Is Like Many Different Types of People I Know
Every time I’ve been to a dinner party with our president, he sits next to my problematic uncle, and they talk practically in unison.
Nowhere Am I Safe from Assumptions
When I go to work people assume, just because I drive an ice cream truck, that I must really love ice cream, or that I sell ice cream.
Hallmark Channel Original Movie or Firsthand Account of the Battle of Gettysburg?
These two American staples have a lot in common: trials, tribulation, love, even amputation. How many will you get right?
I’m Mozart, Damnit, Don’t Just Leverage Me for Studying
My music isn't something you stomach for the sake of increased brain function. Save that for the cod liver oil.
I Am Having Trouble Carving My Wife’s Likeness into a Pumpkin in Such a Way That Captures Her Raw Sexual Energy
The farmer at the pumpkin patch is threatening to stop selling me any more pumpkins because he thinks what I’m doing is “fucked up.”
This Test Tests Your Professional Competency at Taking Tests
A slew of multiple-choice questions that are, at best, only tangentially related to your actual performance or knowledge in a professional capacity.
List: How Horror Movie Villains Handled the Pandemic
Jigsaw sunk into a deep depression after realizing that no one is ever in the mood "to play a game" anymore, especially over Zoom.
I Trust My Boyfriend, But I Would Trust Him More if I Had All of His Passwords
Is it so terrible that I want transparency? And the permanent ability to login to his Twitter whenever I'm feeling a little fucking insane?
Tales from the Megabus to Make You Un-Miss Travel
By the time the bus came, I'd assigned everyone in line a "Lost" archetype; I was Kate because I was sexy and had a backpack.
Quiz: Prince Hamlet or My Neglected Cactus?
Enjoys pretending to teeter on the brink of breakdown to gain physical and emotional labor from loved ones.
Although I Have Been Dead for Over a Decade, I Still Rise from My Grave Every Fall for a Pumpkin Spice Latte
Climbing out of my grave, I savor the autumn air before dusting off my outfit: an oversized cardigan, plaid scarf, Uggs, and Lululemon leggings.
I Wrote the “Cool S” on Every Bar Bathroom Wall, and the Pandemic Has Been Hard for Me
Some of my other ubiquitous work is "Call Your Mom" and "Single-Line, Semi-Erect Penis and Balls, With Hair Sprigs."
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