Every other country on the planet is superior to where I am now, probably. I bet they don’t suffer from the problems found in my current location.
If you did not bring the appropriate attire for slithering or clinging, please see me after the welcome circle for gloves and knee pads.
It is with great regret that we inform you that you are by far the worst applicant our university has ever seen.
If these walls could talk, they'd talk incessantly about themselves while never asking you any questions about yourself.
I don’t even have to hunt. I just wait to eat the animals when they’re already dead, easy. And guess what? Things are always dying.
What chance did this damaged little runt have against such a glittering squadron of unblemished beauties?
Someone chokes on a finger and vomits.
Potential ridesharing company for teens: Uberty.
“Quoting dead philosophers makes you sound like a prick.” —Plato
People have a glass of wine in the tub and they’re just “winding down” and “relaxing.” I shotgun a few beers in the shower and I’m an “alcoholic” and “not even in my own bathroom.”
Good. Don’t click the link. Now, a wild badger climbs through the break room window and makes a beeline for your unguarded computer.
Whoever wins announces total dominion over all of humanity and also, they get to go first the next round.
New reservations are released four times a year at 2:01 AM on the Winter Solstice, the Summer Solstice, the Spring Equinox, and Armistice Day.
I had been changed into the hideous Mister Jekyll. That’s right... I WAS NO LONGER A DOCTOR!!!
I'm a haunting and possessions professional with more than 125 years of experience facilitating jump scares, fever dreams, and thumps in the night.
Good. Don’t click the link. Now, a wild badger climbs through the break room window and makes a beeline for your unguarded computer.
Dr. Pacini’s always been good, but now he’s got the best hygienists in the business. They’re a root canal dream team.
