It is with great regret that we inform you that you are by far the worst applicant our university has ever seen.
What chance did this damaged little runt have against such a glittering squadron of unblemished beauties?
Someone chokes on a finger and vomits.
I'm a haunting and possessions professional with more than 125 years of experience facilitating jump scares, fever dreams, and thumps in the night.
Good. Don’t click the link. Now, a wild badger climbs through the break room window and makes a beeline for your unguarded computer.
Dr. Pacini’s always been good, but now he’s got the best hygienists in the business. They’re a root canal dream team.
Whoever wins announces total dominion over all of humanity and also, they get to go first the next round.
If you want to be an expert on the Middle Ages, you really gotta know yore shit.
People have a glass of wine in the tub and they’re just “winding down” and “relaxing.” I shotgun a few beers in the shower and I’m an “alcoholic” and “not even in my own bathroom.”
Scam alert: A salon sold me a pricey shampoo for thinning hair, which has only made it thicker.
New reservations are released four times a year at 2:01 AM on the Winter Solstice, the Summer Solstice, the Spring Equinox, and Armistice Day.
I had been changed into the hideous Mister Jekyll. That’s right... I WAS NO LONGER A DOCTOR!!!
That was dumb. You broke your toe on a cheap desk. Inhale. Clear your mind of that very stupid thing you did. Exhale. Stupid.
Slang names for pickleball include lazy tennis, geriatric badminton, and "a weak excuse to drink Gatorade."
- Repeat grades six and seven, objectively my most awkward years - Untangle holiday lights - Menstruate for an entire month
Tonight, if you have dedicated your life to anything other than archaic information, you’re gonna have a rough time.
New reservations are released four times a year at 2:01 AM on the Winter Solstice, the Summer Solstice, the Spring Equinox, and Armistice Day.
