‘Tis several weeks beyond Christmas when you realize You forgot it completely—doggone it, time flies!
I have come to the stark realization that I am no longer funny. I say that having once had one of the world’s great senses of humor.
By the time I’m through with your tokens, they will be funged beyond recognition.
How do I use this machine for exercise? Just sit back and push up on the sad branches/robot arms, letting the weight fall back down with a loud SLAM.
WHAT WE’RE LOOKIN’ FOR… YOU: - Enjoy tippin’ over hot dog carts for craps n’ giggles - Like puttin’ pennies on train tracks and watching ‘em smoosh
Submissions open at 3 AM on nights when our editor-in-chief looks at the night sky and feels a particular shade of melancholy.
- Formed during a hot summer night in a small Kansas town - The absolute worst and most dangerous place to experience one is inside a motor vehicle
The worst part about being blonde is that people assume you’re having fun.
All dating is carbon dating.
If there were laws for dogs they’d probably stop messing around all the time and get to work.
You are entropy incarnate. Which is captured much more accurately by this clip of a frog with long, sexy lady legs that burps up the word "Strike."
So, I mean, you wouldn’t ask me to go in there and risk an encounter with ghosts, would you? I could just give you a free upgrade to large.
How could two islands of near-identical climate, geology, and elevation give rise to two such distinct, yet delicious creatures? Science rocks.
Beethoven, Mozart, the one who wrote the song that plays during "Ocean’s 11" when they’re looking at the fountains. Yup, all those guys. And probably more.
Everyone agreed that you are fatally lacking any brand whatsoever. The days of "hanging loose," and "taking it as it comes," are long, long gone.
If you’re used to other eateries in the area, you might be surprised by the cold, but we didn’t mind cuddling up.
If with a group, how many surviving members are there? Of those who are still living, how many look like Keith Richards?
