We don’t want to shame you, especially during a month as joyous as Pride. We celebrate all our bankers, bankettes, and bank-theys.
I can see that you've just put sunglasses on him. No, you're not allowed to "Weekend at Bernie's" an ice sculpture.
“Makes you glad to have nerve endings.” -- Kirkus Reviews
I am going to yell into a pillow. I am going to scream in an empty car. I am going to throw a full tantrum in the grocery store cereal aisle.
I think I can muster up just enough strength to go put the gardening tools away but that’s about it. Just give me a second while I try to stand up.
No one will explain the charge to you, but you are sure it is unjust.
February 1: Someone told me the ice cream bowl was basically just a cone. Total hater.
Weddings would be more fun if The Worst Man gave a speech.
I often wish an intruder would break into my home at night because maybe HE will take my Spider-Man pajamas seriously.
Today, I saw the cutest baby making their parents laugh. But when I went over, the baby refused to repeat the joke.
I didn’t bring my resume with me but here you go: hahahahahhaa. See, I’m good.
5:00 AM -- Catching the sunrise? Driving to hockey practice? This is the third least-late time ever invented!
Strong candidates will fit in with our diverse and dedicated group of cryptic caretakers, silent maids, hostile valets, and cursed children.
September 21st, 10:02 PM: “The Big Stinker” spotted again three miles away, hovering outside an elderly woman’s second-story window.
The word was poised to leap out of my mouth. I could feel the word coming loose from whatever papillae it had stepped in.
Larry took long walks where he bore a smug, knowing smile as he passed this editor’s house and looked upon the decrepit, unkempt lawn.
I didn’t bring my resume with me but here you go: hahahahahhaa. See, I’m good.
