Welcome to Camp Sunshine! Please Read Our 2019 Camp Policies
Camp Sunshine opens its doors at 8:55 every morning. Please drive carefully because although we have 125 campers, we only have 11 legal parking spots.
Who Wrote It? Immanuel Kant or Gary Gygax?
Everyone talks about Kant and Gygax without bothering to read them and their writing styles are very similar.
Keanu Reeves and the Argument for Simulation Theory
It was now blindingly obvious that this convergence of Keanu was more than just happenstance.
A Plea from the Chair You Put Your Stuff On
The purpose of the chair is to hold the Butt. This has been the truth for eons, before you were born and before I was purchased from the local IKEA.
Identifying Fauxpreneurs in the Wild
Fauxpreneurs believe if you’re not on the ‘gram, you will never become a unicorn. Look for at least three pictures per day showing her “hustling."
Hostage Emails From My Brother’s Kidnappers
I want to complement the kidnappers’ willingness to take down all of Larry’s dictation. That’s very considerate for kidnappers. He’s lucky.
This Fleece Vest is the Only Thing That Warms My Cold Capitalist Heart
I am dead-frozen inside, and this fleece vest is the only thing that holds my cold capitalist heart at a temperature resembling warm-blooded life.
Rejected “Dark Phoenix” Poster Concepts by Someone Who Clearly Never Saw the Movie
Executive Producer: I don’t quite understand. What exactly is the “lone phoenix”? Are you talking about Sophie Turner’s character? Marketer: Hm?
List: Are Vaccines Safe? And Other Legitimate Medical Questions From Ordinary People
When I give blood, does the needle the doctors use make a hole in my arm that a ghost could get into?
If Fighting Climate Change Means Slowing Down the Surging Wild Pig Population, Count Me Out
Good news… feral pigs are now in 39 states. Thank you, climate change! You spoil us with this superabundance of invasive swines.
Mr. Peanut Addresses His 23andMe Results
For years you’ve trusted me as the man/peanut hybrid from uncertain origins who loved one thing and one thing alone: selling Planter’s Peanuts.
List: Microaggressions Endured By the Defending Champion US Women’s National Soccer Team
Stadium security: It’s dangerous, wearing something that makes you look that good. Did you get all dolled up just for me, honey?
Please Stop Bursting Into My Darkroom to Question Me About a Murder
How do you think the Andersons feel when I deliver their photos, and half of them are so overexposed that you can’t see the barn they’re leaning on?
Recent Comedy
