Very hard to get a hold of. / Rarely available but never disappears forever. / Covered in BBQ sauce.
My dad saw a sign that said “Drive Like Your Kids Live Here,” so he sped up.
ALWAYS recycle dead batteries. NEVER put them in the garbage. My brother WILL go through your trash and he WILL throw them at me if he finds them!!
I finally figured out what horoscopes are good at predicting: which girls are single.
Don’t worry, I’ve left them with enough food to last several weeks, which in this case is a bottle cap of water and a couple of croutons.
Screen time surpassed crying and stress-baking as the best anxiety salve. Hours of gazing at TikTok bent the tip of your spine.
When he is not hauling freight, Thomas will lock himself inside of The Big Station and think about the damage he has done to our planet.
Jess was always really happy. It’s just that she was usually too sad to show it. And I should know, as her best friend since fourth grade.
Subscription to the Nonrefundable Security Deposit Wine of the Month Club – Let them drown their sorrows with Funk Band Bordeaux or Bouquet of Rosé.
8:15 AM: I get ready for my workday. I am dressed in a t-shirt that says “Open Letter To 'The Man': Eat Shit.”
We are really vibing with 2020. We just had bubble tea for the first time! Back when we were alive, tea was just this, like, sad British thing.
Look down at your left leg. Do you see some pricklies there? Kick your left leg in the air if you commit to leaving those be, just for a month.
Did you know a stroke of lightning lasts roughly 30 microseconds? DID YOU?! What if I hadn’t hit the cable at the right microsecond, Doc?
With so much laughter and Vicodin flooding the streets during the daylight hours, powerful dream beasts emerge to rule the night.
The French Monarchy | by BIGNapoleanB | If you want a thing done well, do it yourself. France could be better under New Management. Stay tuned.
I would like the board to be aware and consider the fact that my house is a piece of garbage and I am rotting inside of it.
All of my passwords and the facial ID on my phone. My mother is sick, Jolene, and now I can’t call her. I had to use a LIBRARY to email Mom.
Your dating game plan is dogshit. I haven’t seen an operation this shit-tier since my first job at Southwestern Louisiana A&M Poly Tech State.
