When was the last time my name came up and someone said, “Oh, you mean the guy who ruled over the greatest period of expansion in the Aztec empire?”
Get this: he whispers to me. Secrets mostly, and sometimes the weather. Yeah, most people are really jazzed when I tell them.
1. How long have you been putting this off? a. One year. b. Three years. c. Five years. d. My child is, if we must get technical, a member of Generation X.
Our Best of 2024 articles feature a Furby boyfriend, a leering train conductor, a pugnacious philosopher, a hip and out-of-shape dad, and more!
If you still need more time, we get it. Everyone reads at their own pace, but you must be at least halfway through, right?
I felt a little weird so I went to the bathroom. And—I’m sorry if this is TMI—but I just started fucking bawling man.
Yes, I want to see my friend’s joke about pouring milk in the bowl before cereal, but I also want a bot to direct me to pussy in bio.
Unskippable Army ads on YouTube make me root for the terrorists.
Chipotle’s new robot “Autocado” cuts guacamole production time in half. And their even newer robot “E-Lemon-ador” will gun you down if you put lemonade in your water cup.
In my dreams I’m on Jeopardy! and they’re asking questions only about my family. The host says, “Aunt Mimi,” and I buzz in. “Who is Rob’s wife?” “Correct.” “Aunts for a thousand.”
Our Best of 2024 articles feature a Furby boyfriend, a leering train conductor, a pugnacious philosopher, a hip and out-of-shape dad, and more!
Apathy doesn’t gel with our mission of making dogs better-looking with the transformative power of AI.
"Sounds like a nightmare. Tell me all about it."
It will be a chance to network over a sweet treat with other gladiators who, in a few days, will try to clobber the life out of you.
After a decade of not giving them a dime for any of their creative output, I just don’t understand why they would call it quits.
Disappointing Truth: Stonehenge is just another case of mass hysteria. In reality, of course, rocks can’t be balanced on top of each other.
Apathy doesn’t gel with our mission of making dogs better-looking with the transformative power of AI.
