Retirement Planning Tips for the Climate Change Apocalypse
Try investing some of your funds in a planet that isn’t being pushed to the brink of environmental catastrophe.
The Biden 2020 Nevada Pizza Party Is Going down in Flames
He's targeting young people voting in their first elections, but we have to convince him that “Virgin Voters for Biden” is not how we want to brand.
Space Force Wants You!
The lightweight uniforms of Space Force feature “Drip-Nip Technology©" that can resist water, whether it’s a splashdown or an unexpected “swirly."
It’s Time to Lift the Voices of #GirlBosses in the Climate Change Denial Movement
And at this rate, climate change will destroy the earth before women have a chance to rise up and deny that that is exactly what’s happening.
List: Unpopular Options for the iPhone Morning Alarm Sound
Stoned college kids convincing themselves it’s really everyone else who is stoned / A yawn that never ends / Vomit splashing into a toilet
Signs That Your Kid Is Watching Other People’s Kids Do Drugs
Kids need to vent, and it’s likely a normal, natural response to having watched some other parent’s kid do drugs.
Quiz: Low Ranking Drug Cartel Member or Girl Scout Selling Cookies?
Meet supplier to get product. Supplier got goods from distributor. Distributor doesn’t know you or want to. Don't ask questions, just sell.
An Intervention from Your Rescue Dog
Did you pick me up in a Subaru Outback? Full of NPR tote bags? I’m still a wild animal. And not the kind that’s gonna stop you from having a seizure.
I’m a Serial Killer and Burberry Just Discontinued My Signature Strangling Scarf
With so many murders happening each year, it’s extremely difficult to develop and sustain a calling card that’s distinct.
List: Unsuccessful Proverbs About Bridesmaids
It’s a bridesmaid-eat-bridesmaid world. / Treat your friends like family and your family like bridesmaids. / Hate the bride, not the bridesmaid.
After Two Years of Emotional Misdirection, I’m Ready to Propose to the Love of My Life
She thinks I forgot what park it was! We walked by it two months ago and she said “Look! Do you remember?” and I said “What?"
Quiz: Which Cell Block of San Quentin Would You Be Assigned To?
What would you try to make your shiv out of? The sharpened end of a toothbrush, or the sharpened bones of a rat you found in your cell and then ate.
What We Used to Call Him
We used to call him Champ, because he led the basketball team to the championships. Then we called him Let Down, because he missed the winning shot.
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