How does one appropriately reply to “have a safe flight?” “I, too, hope I make it to my destination intact.”
That’s where SquareSpace comes in. For just nine score and nine cents, you can receive six months’ subscription, plus a free domain name.
Dec. 2: Gas Station Thursday Dec. 3: Tweet-Storming About Inflation Friday Dec. 4: Belated Turkey Carcass Composting Saturday
I started to worry once I took a few tumbles onto the driveway. The damage was limited—I am made of steel—but the emotional injury is everlasting.
Whatever your personal weird fucking deal is, it won’t end well for you, so best not try to start it with us.
When a teacher assigns a five-paragraph essay, his or her whole class jumps for joy because this kind of essay is truly a thrill to both read and write.
I’ll scream your name as many times as you’d like, or, as a new feature, I’ll rip my shirt off to reveal another shirt with a picture of you screaming.
I’m so proud of my son for starting his lemonade stand. How many kids put in the work to launder stolen lunch money?
“Nice zombie costume!” the kids at Halloween exclaimed as I opened the door in my usual work-from-home clothes.
My sister can say Hugh Grant looks hot in Love Actually, but as soon as I say I want to make out with The Grinch, all of the sudden there’s a problem.
It was fantastic! In the first week, I knocked over the office water cooler 36 times!
Before the tension in the air makes someone scream, say quietly, "I could tell you, but then—well, you know…"
You see a small cottage at the edge of the field-- “A cottage? What is this? A visualization or something?”
High school locker combination [-1.2 MB] I deleted my entire high school experience in 2016. Missed this somehow. Move to trash.
You spent 49 hours listening to our ear-piercing message alert sound…
If you hear Wham!’s “Last Christmas” at Trader Joe’s, stop shopping immediately and guzzle a 32 oz. carton of eggnog. Post #Whamanogageddon!
I never snuck out because unfortunately, my parents understood that late-night parties were an integral part of a teenager’s socialization.
