But no one really knows what they want when they’re hiring, and that’s why there’s me. To get rid of people like you. Quality people.
Name: Dick Van Dyke Species: Jerk Physical Appearance: Tall and rude. Personality: Straight white man.
Jump to conclusions why don’t you? I did not lock her in a basement. I’m not a monster. We live in a tower.
Is he “ugly-hot” or does his face bear the mark of an impish, Germanic evil?
Are you looking for anything specific today? Just browsing? Awesome—mind if I watch from the other side of the room?
Remember how excited you were about the pottery wheel that’s now a hat rack? Or the sourdough starter you ate raw on day three?
Be still my heart, for chivalry is not dead—merely wheezing along at three miles per hour.
Told my co-worker we should form a union. We have now been happily married for 12 years.
I had to split with my boyfriend last week. He was taking too many risks on his Yamaha. The last straw was playing Mozart’s “Requiem” blindfolded.
Why am I not scared of haunted houses? I don’t know, nothing jumps out at me.
She rolls into my office like one of those rotating hot dogs at 7-11. You know the ones, plastic-y but intriguing.
No, of course not. It's no big deal. This happens to everyone. Right? Everyone has little involuntary muscle spasms sometimes.
Lower back pain that sets in after approximately half an hour of immobility.
So where are you holding the wedding? Is it going to be in the sewers of Chicago?
