I appreciate the new possibilities social media has created, but I worry about what they’re missing out on.
Providing difficult choices among terrible options is—like with cable TV—in keeping with Hell’s overall philosophy of customer dissatisfaction.
Did we go to college together? No, I went to Penn State. High school? No, I’m from New York. Middle School? No, I never graduated.
We at Amazon want to replicate every part of the brick-and-mortar experience, and that includes the sweet sweet thrill of shoplifting.
- Moment of silence but for a page. - Total accident and someone is definitely getting fired.
4. Google, “What does sexually active mean?”
Because at VERMO Liquid Ant Baits, we don’t sell insecticide. We sell experiences.
I’m so woke, my favorite romantic comedy is “Um, Actually….”
I’m not jealous of our dog, but would it kill my wife to say “Good boy!” when I poop?
Why don’t animals wear shoes? Because they are happy with their height.
Did we go to college together? No, I went to Penn State. High school? No, I’m from New York. Middle School? No, I never graduated.
Because at VERMO Liquid Ant Baits, we don’t sell insecticide. We sell experiences.
We don't even know him, what if this kickass party goes to waste because your baby ends up being a loser or something?
You think you know a person and then they run off with 29 of your closest friends to do a smash-and-grab.
For safety, we’re tying you right to the tip of the rocket—far from the hot hot thrusters. You’ll also get plenty of SPF to protect you.
He got together with all the angels, Betty White, and your childhood dog, and they had a long hard think about how things are going down here.
- Providing an extra hand for “light as a feather stiff as a board” at your next sleepover - Watching your ex’s Instagram story and reporting on their whereabouts
