Would you mind making me a logo for my new insect-dessert business? I was going to hire someone, but they wanted to charge me a few hundred dollars.
People are buying your data. What people? Well, maybe not people in general, but definitely the hideous creature you created.
Remember how I never explicitly say that I’m gay, and instead always couch it in weird innuendos?
He never juggles with some cheap-y plastic bowling pins and always uses solid wood ones with sparkly decals. Using bargain pins is disrespectful.
Too much fruit: I've eaten six tons of papaya, 3,500 grapefruits, 0 apples, 700 oranges, more grapes than I can count, and a plethora of colorful berries.
The suspicion that we are all just cogs in a hyper-capitalist machine — SANDALWOOD
Theoretical Physicist Michio Kaku Asked Me to Stop Sending Him These Solutions to the Grandfather Paradox
Anyone who tries to create a paradox gets stopped by theoretical physicist Michio Kaku and his incredible superpowers.
Kevin demands only the best from his employees. He constantly circles my desk to “check in,” especially when I’m on my period.
No, I Didn’t Name My Child Michael Jordackson So He’d Aspire for Greatness as an NBA Player or World-Renowned Musician
I just happen to like the smooth sound of “Michael Jordackson.” It’s got a nice ring to it.
Walk out: Just leave en masse. Once you're a healthy distance away from me, there will be no one to support my Multi-Level Marketing Religion.
Contrary to popular belief, women do not possess one utilitarian opening for all of their bathroom and reproductive functions, like ducks.
Having never been to a mandatory restaurant before, I wasn’t sure what to expect, but Marshall-Chase-Spiderman-Sit-Down-Now was delightful!
And your little ghost friends? They can’t spend the night. All of you swirling around in a big circle above the roof.
Has that ever happened to you? Where your body is moving but your mind starts to dissociate? I bought party hats! Who wants one?