I’m Not Like Other Girls, I’m a Reptilian Agent Sent to Destroy Humankind
I don’t dress for the male gaze. I dress to cover my biohazardous innards so no one detects I’m a heat-seeking scaled creature.
Trying to Explain My Statement Fashion Choices to My Mother
Dad’s old tennis sneakers: You dated him in college when he wore these sneakers and you seemed to like them just fine back then.
Behold! I Play Guitar
Gaze upon the glory of my cover of “Seven Nation Army.” Observe the light of my own original songs, which sound exactly like “Seven Nation Army.”
Thanks, But You Can Keep Your Active Lifestyle
Did it ever occur to you that maybe leading an active lifestyle doesn’t make you inherently more driven & virtuous? Maybe it just makes you sweatier.
9 Times I Did Something Crazy at Jason’s Party and Everyone Was Like, “That’s Just Spencer Being Spencer!”
Jason was kind of pissed that I spilled his hot sauce all over myself, but that’s why I wore an apron!
We Are the Feet in the Photo Accompanying Every Humor Piece Ever Written About Sex
There we are, four feet peeking out, intimating that our other body parts are currently engaged in some very exciting and hidden sexual activity.
Rimbaud’s 2019 Food and Drink Guide to Paris
What can we make of the persons exiting the Sorbonne with something heralded as a "kale chia smoothie?" It appears to be dredged from a fetid pond.
My Kitty is a Cutey
I gave him a "you know you're not supposed to do that" look and he replied with a "the assumption of inevitable or primal goodness is a myth" stare.
Astronaut Caught Masturbating Aboard the ISS Faces New Trouble
I am a man. A normal man with normal needs. Do the whole "walk-a-mile-in-my-shoes" thing. There’s no elbow room here. No privacy.
So You Want to Be the Devil’s Advocate
Must have a very strong bladder. We don't have many public restrooms here in Hell, and you will almost certainly have to wait in line.
The Sad Tale of the Inflatable Wacky Tube Man
"We have orders from the city to remove that thing from your property. Effective immediately.” He pointed toward the Inflatable Wacky Tube Man.
List: 8 Horror Movie Reboots That Will Terrify Millennials
"Friday the 13th" - It’s thirteenth of the month and Alice Hardy is being stalked by an unstoppable force: her student loan payments.
6 Trendy Summer Bags for the Nuclear Football
The New American Waistland Fanny: For successful Dads who love America, spend a lot of time in Florida, but don’t have an ironic bone in their body.
Recent Comedy
