I have a bug in my mug. I have electric eels in my high heels. I have a giraffe in my carafe.
Let’s Not Make Fun of the Guy Playing “Total Eclipse of the Heart” on the Jukebox, He’s Probably Going through a Lot
Maybe he needs to hear it very badly for whatever marriage-related problems he’s going through. If I had to guess, of course.
Seeking gray-haired, whiskey-drinking curmudgeon to oversee a department of knucklehead agents with withering disdain.
Our previous policy of zero in-office hawk attacks has been slightly adjusted to a new policy of many hawk attacks.
Even if the world was ending, I’d be pococurante, like I was in the third round of the Dayton County Regional Bee when my word was "pococurante."
Over our long history, we’ve made countless non-changes to our product, from refusing to add any flavor to churning out the same muddy texture.
Why does Pac-Man have to eat us? We’re starting to doubt the “we’re a family” ethos he’s always mentioning while he races after us, lips flapping.
Animal with four letters in its name? Easy: cat. Wait– Oh my God. I meant cat with two t’s? Ok, shake that off.
Jerry Kaufman (Your Dad): Did I think we were going to conceive a child during the Insurance Adjusters of American Convention? No.
I suppose death could be right around the corner for us... In the movie, of course!
Bigfoot, Chupacabra, but not Mothman (he’s a real jerk)
The suits on Capitol Hill are scared of an everyday American taking two of our country's greatest pursuits, knives, and recreational explosives.