Is Your Refrigerator Running?
Ma’am, your wariness is completely understandable, but I am genuinely asking about whether your refrigerator is operational.
Tag: Stories
A Heartfelt Note from the Ghost “Haunting” Your House
I’d like to say I understand your pain, but how could I? The only terror I’ve experienced is watching everyone I ever loved die.
Try Our New Limited Edition Bad Flavor
We had a sneaking suspicion it might taste bad after our first focus group. People were saying it was "upsetting" and it made them feel "unsafe."
I Feel Like You’re Only Friends with Me Because of My Printer
You interjected to ask if my depression over the breakup was the reason I had forgotten to buy a new fuchsia ink cartridge.
For the Record, I’m the One Who Said That Legendarily Funny Thing, Not Chad
Now, I’m not bashing Chad. Chad’s fine. Chad does consistently adequate work, and he’s even finally learned what a pivot table is.
After Careful Consideration, I’ve Decided to Move to the Most Expensive City in the World in Order to Pursue a Dream I Could Pursue Anywhere
Either way, I’m not going to pursue my dream full-time. Recklessly spend my money trying to make a living out of a hobby? No, that would be ridiculous.
Re: Suck It, Boss. I Just Became a Crypto Millionaire!
Also, I was just joking when I said in my initial email that I would fold the report into a paper airplane and dart it at your bulbous ass.
May This Lego Tower Stand Forever as a Shrine to All Lego Persons Who Died Building It
Surely this monstrosity holds some meaning that is beyond our minuscule Lego brains.
I Am Totally Comfortable with This Awkward Silence
But if I nod, I may agree to something I strongly disagree with. Like that the world is flat or that black licorice is delicious.
Is Someone Giving You the Gen Z Stare, or Are You Nude from the Waist Down in Public?
Customer service sure isn’t like it used to be, you think, as you hear the entrance door jingle and feel cold air around your nether regions.
No, No, Mr. Clean Was My Father’s Name—I’m Dave
Don’t mean to harp on this but please use a coaster. I know we’re in a bar but the wet circle under the glass… sorry, it’s just the way I was raised.
A Caveman Worries About Too Much Flame Time
Me say in day, “Only small fire this night. No add ‘one more wood.’” But me keep stare and stare and no sleep.