We’re Your Friends from College Who Are Doing Way Better than You—How Are You Doing?
It’s O.K, everybody has a different definition of success! Yours just seems remarkably close to failure.
Tag: Stories
I Love Golf!
Focus, Bob. Just you and the ball. Crap. Fore!
I’m Ethan Allen, and I Am More than Just a Craftsman of Fine Home Furnishings
As we prepare to celebrate our great nation’s Sestercentennial, it behooves me to make it known that I am not merely a Raymour or Flanigan.
How Dare You Question Why I Ponder This Orb!
I don’t let my face betray what I’m beholding because I’m a pro, and I like to maintain an air of mystery, but sometimes it’s just like, yeesh.
I Attend Your Improv Show Every Week, and You Have Never Once Taken My Suggestion of “Cedar Bluffs, Nebraska”
I’m a big fan of your troupe’s silly make-em-ups. But a fella can only be overlooked for so long without starting to take it personal.
My Novel Packs a Ton of Crucial Backstory About the Protagonist’s Mother Into a Scene Where He Buys Chewing Gum
Hank nodded and muttered the word to himself: “Okay.” It was the same word Mama had used months before it happened...
I’ve Got a Lot of Money Riding on This Peewee Soccer Game
I know your coach said it doesn’t matter if you win or lose. Your coach has obviously never been up to his asshole in debt for betting on collegiate air hockey.
Son, I Don’t Care What You Want, I’m Playing Guitar at Your Wedding
Speaking of, I’ve been thinking about playing some Allman Brothers at the rehearsal dinner. But I might need a little lead time to learn the solo.
I’m Going to Business School to Find Myself
For me, a fresh excel sheet offers endless promise. A blank deck is the root of inspiration.
A Response to My Letter Would Be Great Because This War Is Pretty Shit
Even that pathetic loser Bernard received a letter from his gal.
What I Imagined “Going to the Bar” Would Be Like When I Was 12 Years Old Versus How It Was Last Week
Reality: The bar door is a push not a pull, and I make quite a scene trying to open it.
A Few Housekeeping Items Before We Stop the Nuclear Disaster
Now is the time for us to act quickly and decisively. But first, let’s take a moment to acknowledge our May birthdays!