How Dare You Question Why I Ponder This Orb!
I don’t let my face betray what I’m beholding because I’m a pro, and I like to maintain an air of mystery, but sometimes it’s just like, yeesh.
Comedy Writing
Online Sports Betting Needs to Be Tightly Regulated Right After This Eagles Game Wraps Up
See, right there, when A.J. Brown caught that deep ball! Did you feel that? That can’t be healthy.
Sun Tzu Quotes to Get You Through Thanksgiving
To medal in the Turkey Trot, you have to defeat seasoned fitness freaks and erratic savages who only run once a year.
A Lengthy Puff Piece About Scout Walz, First Dog of Minnesota
Scout is as energetic, spry, and sly as ever—the Paul Rudd of lab mixes. What’s his secret? “I sleep sixteen hours a day,” he deadpans.
Why Amazon’s New “Lord of the Rings” Show Is So Expensive
Bulk of budget devoted to keeping Aragorn looking as wet as possible at all times.
Don’t Talk to Me Until I’ve Had My Coffee!
Before coffee, I’m, like, a zombie feeding on its own, like… brains or whatever, and struggling to complete straightforward zombie analogies.
Yes, Chick-fil-A is Totally Evil—But on the Other Hand, Waffle Fries
Who could possibly resist the siren song of a factory-farmed chicken breast wedged between two nondescript slices of bread? Plus a pickle?!
Festive and Angst-Ridden Holiday Missed Connections
Missed You… Again You: A relaxing holiday. Me: Dehydrated, depleted, stuck in traffic. God, I want you so bad.
Crossfit Funeral
D-Mo had made a lot of gains over the past year, but he still had so many gains ahead of him. I guess that’s what makes this so difficult.