My Dog Ate My Homework and Then Did Ayahuasca
And, so, I looked over my notes from your lesson and I figured it out. Boom. Just like that. Did it. Done. I proofread it, named it, kissed it, and then my dog ate it.
Tag: Stories
Sexting with Ocean State Job Lot
I want you to unzip that undersized bag of dried sweet potato jerky and peel it apart... Use your teeth baby, too stale?
We Seem to Pee at the Same Time, Fellow Coworker—Now We’re Best Friends
Then, as if predestined by God himself, I walked into the bathroom at 3:45 PM and there you were: my new best friend.
Have You Dined with Us Before?
The kitchen’s behind that door. Craig, our cold dishes chef, will sulk if you don’t order any salads.
You’re Hearing About My Dream Whether You Like It or Not
Now, this is where it continues to not get interesting, so stay with me.
My Brother-in-Law’s Proctologist’s Sister’s Second Husband’s Stepdaughter’s Cousin Has Five D1 Offers for Volleyball!
My kids? They’re doing all right. My boy’s a pediatric surgeon. My daughter does something with Alzheimer’s, I'm not sure.
An Obituary for Thomas Sutton, Who Is Absolutely Dead
Despite the comments his neighbor Kevin left on Thomas’ Facebook posts, Thomas will be remembered by so many as a wonderful artist.
Hello, My Name Is Count Dracula and I’ll Be Your Server
Hello and velcome to Chili's. I'm so sorry for the vait, ve've been slammed tonight. My eternal thanks for your patience.
I’m Haunting the Bank, Back in a Few Days
This idea is foolproof as long as a group of sleuthing teenagers and their crime-solving dog don’t get in my way.
We Found Life on Mars but It’s COVID
Why is nobody celebrating this big win? It’s life! Even if that life is a disease, it is still life.
Recession Indicators According to My Russian Blue
It is no secret that our relationship is entirely transactional, but still, our story was romantic. I convinced myself that this was love.
I Am the Mona Lisa—Remember Me?
I used to be the most talked-about piece of art in this museum. Now I'm not smiling anymore.