A Response to My Letter Would Be Great Because This War Is Pretty Shit
Even that pathetic loser Bernard received a letter from his gal.
Tag: Stories
What I Imagined “Going to the Bar” Would Be Like When I Was 12 Years Old Versus How It Was Last Week
Reality: The bar door is a push not a pull, and I make quite a scene trying to open it.
A Few Housekeeping Items Before We Stop the Nuclear Disaster
Now is the time for us to act quickly and decisively. But first, let’s take a moment to acknowledge our May birthdays!
I Think My Pen Pal Might Be My Dog Trying to Get a Bite of a Ham Sandwich
I’m really excited to get to know you better! Where do you live? What are your hobbies? What are you eating right now?
My Dog Is an Expert Food Critic, and Here’s Her Latest Review
Customer service is, as before, abysmal. It requires at least three begs, a yip, and an emphatic paw stomp to get any attention from the staff.
Hastings Entertainment Store Changed My Life
It is May 10, 2008. I am nine years old. I purchase the book Frindle from Hastings Entertainment Store. My mind grows fat off its teachings.
Me? Oh, Just Living the Dream
So now I’m a child, still bouncing on the trampoline—did I mention the forest floor is made of trampoline?—and I’m trying desperately not to cry.
I Switched Bodies with My Dog, and He’s Outperforming Me in Every Way
Got a haircut and started showering every day. And I’m pretty sure he got my Michael Scott tattoo removed, but he won’t let me see.
Not Another Regency Romance
Soon, I’ll have to decide which to marry. For now, we do a lot of courtship. One of them might stare at me, and I stare back.
This Noir Detective Definitely Skipped Dinner
She rolls into my office like one of those rotating hot dogs at 7-11. You know the ones, plastic-y but intriguing.
I Waited in Line for 11 Years and That Cronut Just Wasn’t Worth It
I walked on and on, finally reaching the end of the line alongside Route 276 just outside King of Prussia, Pennsylvania.
A Full Account of Your 39-Year-Old Husband “Cuttin’ Loose”
Rather than responding “sounds chill boyz,” he ignored the message, instead opting for a podcast about the disappearing watermen of the Chesapeake Bay.