I’m Stepping Down from My Role of Resharing My Wedding Photos from 2018 on Facebook
It was a tough decision to resign from plugging images looking my most beautiful on the best day of my life, but something I finally felt ready to do.
Comedy Writing
We’re Trying for a Nepo Baby
But this time we’re producing our biggest blockbuster yet—our sweet, precious nepo baby!
Registry Items I, the Virgin Mary, Would and Wouldn’t Buy Again If I Were Giving Birth to the (Next) Son of God
WOULD: Portable Manger. Mamas, this is a must. I loved having this when I was praying, prostrating, or getting my nails done with the girls.
Why I, a 10-Year-Old Alpha Male, Am Now Anti-Cooties Vaccine
It’s not your typical low-grade fever or boo-boo that goes away after your mom kisses it.
As a Millennial, I’ll Never Be Able to Own a House: The Complete Series DVD Box Set
But the more upsetting headlines I skim, the more likely it seems the dream of enjoying a career-best performance by Hugh Laurie is out of reach.
I’m a Vintage Green Desk Lamp, and Baby, You’re Gonna Be Pulling an All-Nighter
Not to worry, toots. Pull my string, turn me on, and I’ll get you through the night.
How I Think I Look Wearing Sunglasses vs. How I Actually Look
What I actually look like: I walk slowly and calculatedly because these shades are darker than I remember from last summer.
The U.S. Begs England to Take Them Back
It blows my mind that we used to be one country, isn’t that wild? But enough about me. Tell me what have you been up to?
Everything I Missed Out On While My Glasses Were Fogged Up
The “Seat Yourself” sign in a totally empty restaurant, so I stood awkwardly at the host stand for 15 minutes.
For Our Wedding, Please Buy Us Useless Kitchen Shit Off Our Registry
When we envision our future together, we can’t see it unless the $175 egg separator we picked out in Crate & Barrel is there with us.
When You Shop My Balloon Bouquet Small Business Where I Blow Every Single Balloon by Mouth, You’re Supporting Real People
All mouth-blown, no helium balloon pumps allowed! And when I say “we,” I really mean just me.
I’m a Rubber Duck and I’m Resigning from My Position at Bathtub Inc.
I learned a lot in my four years as Vice President of Relaxation in the Hygiene Department, I wanted to offer some reasons why I’m departing.