Friendship is an important thing in life. We need our friends to survive. I have friends I’ve known since the middle school I still speak to regularly. I’m not one to burn bridges. I don’t make enemies.

However, as good as good friends can be, you also have to know when, for your own sake, it’s time to let people go. That’s why I am no longer hanging out with Nostradamus.

Nostradamus is more than a 16th century French astrologer. He is also a good time at the bar. We would throw back beers and chow down on buffalo wings while he gave me the best parlays across football, basketball, and baseball. We really got to know each other when FanDuel started to get big and I always made sure we were going out on a big night.

Initially we didn’t get along. He was vague. If you’ve ever read his quatrains, you know that he isn’t the most direct guy talker. He might say something to you like, “The men of a broken land will raid until the waning gibbous, but be swallowed up by the Hibernians of the north by the new moon.” This translates to “The Brooklyn Nets will do great the first three quarters but ultimately choke against the Boston Celtics.” Kind of a bad example because I could have called that, but still. The point is, once I figured him out it made way more sense.

I shared the winnings too. Every time I had enough money to treat myself, I gave him the same. He always wanted to buy crystals and weird stuff like that, but that’s his money.

The problems started when we moved in together. He almost burned the apartment down because he insisted on writing by candlelight. He ruined the endings of TV shows, some of which haven’t been made yet. He told me way too far in advance when he was gonna have people over, so naturally I forgot. He reminded me to shovel the snow in July.

I had enough when he began commenting on my relationships. Every time I told Nostradamus I had a date, he would tell me how it was going to end.

He’d say things like:

“Your tide will not see the light of the next full moon.”

You’ll break up in a month.

“Your paramour shall seek other towers before she returns to your castle.”

She’s going to cheat on you.

“As a bird in flight you will find many nests to land in.”

You’re going to cheat on her.

And he was right every single time.

That being said, Nostradamus has done a lot of important work. He’s predicted the French Revolution, both World Wars, and the moon landing. Of course, he only gets credit for these things after the fact. In my opinion Nostradamus is one of the few writers who I would say is actually urgent. I don’t care what anyone at the NYRB has to say otherwise.

Despite this, I was fed up. I told him to stop telling me his predictions. They were ruining my life. All of a sudden I lost my phone, hit my head really bad and got my foot run over. All in the same Uber. I asked him why he didn’t warn me and all he said was, “I knew you were gonna ask me this.”

Our relationship was too fraught. I couldn’t be friends with him anymore.

I’m pretty sad about it. I lost a lot of money on the Patriots losing the Super Bowl this year, and I lost a good friend. That’s how relationships are though—some of them aren’t meant to last.

I just wish I had seen this coming.