I Am the Last Living Person on Facebook
I’m alone. There is no other person on Facebook. Every day, I open Facebook. I look for any sign of human life. There is none.
Comedy Writing
I’m the $1500 Macbook You Bought for Writing and I’m Definitely Not Judging You for Just Using Me to Watch Videos of Airplanes Landing
I mean, that’s fine isn’t it? I cost $1500, I’m considered to be the best laptop on the market right now.
The Near-Future Dystopia in Which Everything Is Taylor Swift
I come downstairs and kiss my wife, Taylor Swift, and ruffle the hair of my son, Taylor Swift.
I’m a Character in a Satirical Monologue and, Frankly, I Could Be So Much More
I know we’ve only got a few hundred words to work with. Surely, though, it wouldn’t take much to give me a bit more personality.
53 Thoughts Sting Has During One of His Eight-Hour Tantric Sex Marathons
- Are fish and chips macrobiotic? Probably not. - Can’t believe scientists can clone a sheep but can’t make fish and chips macrobiotic.
“The Bends” by Radiohead – Super Deluxe Ultimate Fancy Pants Sexy Limited Edition Box Set
Including "High and Dry (Kazoo Remix)" – 106-minute remix featuring Sting on kazoo, and Thom Yorke explaining that a bat is a mammal, not a bird.
I’m an NPC in a Role-Playing Video Game and Could You Get Out of My House
What wizard? No, I haven’t seen the wizard. Do I look like I’m the sort of bloke who hob-nobs with wizards?
I’m a 32-Year-Old Guy, So I Guess It’s Time I Started a Podcast
You know, obviously I figured I’d do it at some point, but it always seemed so far away. It was something for when I was older.
Overly Restrictive Guidelines Rejected from Hollywood’s Hays Code
Trees should never be shown without all their leaves. Bras are to be referred to as "Personal Lady Upholstery."