1. I’m quite good-looking for a 69-year-old man.
  2. So’s Trudy.
  3. Although, she’s 65.
  4. No, 66, I think.
  5. Okay, so she was born in 1954, and it’s 2021 now, so…67.
  6. And she’s not a man, so I win there.
  7. What if fish could walk? Would they be our equals?
  8. Shit. Did I put the dishwasher on?
  9. I can remember stacking in the plates, and the dishes, but did I switch it on?
  10. That’s the dishwasher! It’s in the wash cycle, I can hear it.
  11. Don’t want to do an eight-hour sex marathon and then come down to find you haven’t got any clean dishes for your dinner.
  12. Wonder what’s for dinner tonight? Suppose it’ll be something macrobiotic.
  13. Are fish and chips macrobiotic? Probably not.
  14. Can’t believe scientists can clone a sheep but can’t make fish and chips macrobiotic.
  15. Do you get purple M&Ms?
  16. Hang on, it’s Wednesday. That means there’ll be a new episode of that Loki out. We can eat dinner off our laps and watch Loki.
  17. Brilliant.
  18. Loki is definitely better than the Winter Soldier one. Not sure if it’s better than WandaVision though.
  19. Still a bit confused about who White Vision was.
  20. Perhaps it’ll all be explained in the new Phase 5 Marvel films
  21. Or is it Phase 4?
  22. Right, so Iron Man was Phase 1, then The Avengers was Phase 2, so Phase 3 was up to Endgame? Then we must be about to start on Phase 4.
  23. It’d be weird if cows lived in holes.
  24. I think one of my balls is getting a little crushed.
  25. I’ll give it another hour and maybe ask Trudes to move.
  26. Actually, that’s really quite painful now.
  27. Can you channel your healing chakra flow to a bollock?
  28. Christ, I wish I hadn’t zoned out whenever Trudes goes on about healing chakra flows.
  29. Hang on, she’s moving. Oh, sweet relief. Jesus, my poor nut.
  30. Ooo, nuts are macrobiotic. I might have some peanuts later. That’s something to look forward to.
  31. Need to book a doctor’s appointment for my back.
  32. I wonder how long we’ve been going now, feels like it’s been a while.
  33. Bloody Hell, is that all? I might see if I can sneak a doze.
  34. No, she’ll notice. She’ll definitely notice if doze. She watches me like a hawk after I started snoring that time.
  35. Hang on. Going to fart. Hold it in. Hold it in. Yes! It’s passed.
  36. Must call Elton. Haven’t done a charity thing for a while.
  37. Rainforests or Aids, either way’s good.
  38. “Roxanne, you don’t have to put on the red light.”
  39. Good song that. No one can argue with that. It was a belter.
  40. So was “So Lonely,” “Message in a Bottle.” All of them.
  41. It was “Russians” where it started going downhill—“I hope the Russians love their children too.”—Awful. What was I thinking there? Never really got it back after Russians. Still though, “Roxanne,” you can’t argue with that.
  42. Mental note to release another Police Greatest Hits. That’ll pay for a nice Christmas break.
  43. What would the baby look like if a cat had sex with a dog?
  44. And would it be a kitten or a puppy?
  45. Hope the rainforests are alright.
  46. Is having an eight-hour tantric sex marathon when rainforests are disappearing at a perilous rate a bit irresponsible?
  47. Perhaps we should be having a tantric sex quickie instead, and then spend a few hours saving the rainforests.
  48. If eight hours is a tantric sex marathon, then, what, five hours is normal tantric sex, so a tantric sex quickie must be an hour or two. That’s an extra six hours of saving the rainforests. five, if I watch another episode of Loki. Worth it.
  49. This room needs painting again.
  50. I think I should have got a credit on “Money for Nothing.”
  51. “Money for Nothing” by Dire Straits and Sting.
  52. It’s raining.
  53. Dishwasher’s finished.
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