- I’m quite good-looking for a 69-year-old man.
- So’s Trudy.
- Although, she’s 65.
- No, 66, I think.
- Okay, so she was born in 1954, and it’s 2021 now, so…67.
- And she’s not a man, so I win there.
- What if fish could walk? Would they be our equals?
- Shit. Did I put the dishwasher on?
- I can remember stacking in the plates, and the dishes, but did I switch it on?
- That’s the dishwasher! It’s in the wash cycle, I can hear it.
- Don’t want to do an eight-hour sex marathon and then come down to find you haven’t got any clean dishes for your dinner.
- Wonder what’s for dinner tonight? Suppose it’ll be something macrobiotic.
- Are fish and chips macrobiotic? Probably not.
- Can’t believe scientists can clone a sheep but can’t make fish and chips macrobiotic.
- Do you get purple M&Ms?
- Hang on, it’s Wednesday. That means there’ll be a new episode of that Loki out. We can eat dinner off our laps and watch Loki.
- Brilliant.
- Loki is definitely better than the Winter Soldier one. Not sure if it’s better than WandaVision though.
- Still a bit confused about who White Vision was.
- Perhaps it’ll all be explained in the new Phase 5 Marvel films
- Or is it Phase 4?
- Right, so Iron Man was Phase 1, then The Avengers was Phase 2, so Phase 3 was up to Endgame? Then we must be about to start on Phase 4.
- It’d be weird if cows lived in holes.
- I think one of my balls is getting a little crushed.
- I’ll give it another hour and maybe ask Trudes to move.
- Actually, that’s really quite painful now.
- Can you channel your healing chakra flow to a bollock?
- Christ, I wish I hadn’t zoned out whenever Trudes goes on about healing chakra flows.
- Hang on, she’s moving. Oh, sweet relief. Jesus, my poor nut.
- Ooo, nuts are macrobiotic. I might have some peanuts later. That’s something to look forward to.
- Need to book a doctor’s appointment for my back.
- I wonder how long we’ve been going now, feels like it’s been a while.
- Bloody Hell, is that all? I might see if I can sneak a doze.
- No, she’ll notice. She’ll definitely notice if doze. She watches me like a hawk after I started snoring that time.
- Hang on. Going to fart. Hold it in. Hold it in. Yes! It’s passed.
- Must call Elton. Haven’t done a charity thing for a while.
- Rainforests or Aids, either way’s good.
- “Roxanne, you don’t have to put on the red light.”
- Good song that. No one can argue with that. It was a belter.
- So was “So Lonely,” “Message in a Bottle.” All of them.
- It was “Russians” where it started going downhill—“I hope the Russians love their children too.”—Awful. What was I thinking there? Never really got it back after Russians. Still though, “Roxanne,” you can’t argue with that.
- Mental note to release another Police Greatest Hits. That’ll pay for a nice Christmas break.
- What would the baby look like if a cat had sex with a dog?
- And would it be a kitten or a puppy?
- Hope the rainforests are alright.
- Is having an eight-hour tantric sex marathon when rainforests are disappearing at a perilous rate a bit irresponsible?
- Perhaps we should be having a tantric sex quickie instead, and then spend a few hours saving the rainforests.
- If eight hours is a tantric sex marathon, then, what, five hours is normal tantric sex, so a tantric sex quickie must be an hour or two. That’s an extra six hours of saving the rainforests. five, if I watch another episode of Loki. Worth it.
- This room needs painting again.
- I think I should have got a credit on “Money for Nothing.”
- “Money for Nothing” by Dire Straits and Sting.
- It’s raining.
- Dishwasher’s finished.
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