I Am a Public Figure on Instagram
See, you’re a normal person that does normal-person things. Not me though. I’ve always been more of a figure--a figure that does public things.
Tag: Celebs
List: The Other People Elizabeth Warren Is Accused of Murdering, Besides Michael Bloomberg
Margaret Thatcher - Notice you haven’t heard a peep from her since April 8, 2013? Women can also be agents of the patriarchy, too, you know.
A Statement from One of the Tennis Balls on Harvey Weinstein’s Walker
Well, there was a court in my future, just not the one I had in mind.
The Oscars Are About Quality, Not Diversity, and Also Scarlett Johansson Should Have Every Award
Despite ongoing #OscarsSoWhite controversy, it’s important to remember that the Oscars are, as Stephen King pointed out, about quality, not diversity.
Oscar Presenters: Stop Reading Your Lines!
Your profession revolves around memorizing lines, making them believable, and delivering them to casting directors, audiences, and law enforcement.
Uncut Energy Crystals: Howard Ratner in LA
Not only will the green aventurine win you material success but the Yoni birth mother energy will protect you from any Price Waterhouse trickery.
I’m Scott Baio and Where the Fuck Is My Shitty Christian Movie?
I spoke at the Republican National Convention for Trump! What more do I have to do to prove that I’ll do literally anything?
It’s Me, Female Action Protagonist, Here to Solve Sexism
My backstory is abuse, the type doesn’t matter. Bullies, a family member, a boyfriend who is so overwhelmingly not in my league.
I May Be a Big Nobody, but My Vote Counts Just as Much as Yours, Mary-Kate (Or Ashley) Olsen
When we step into that partitioned desk and face that confusing-as-hell democracy apparatus, we’re ALL America’s Sweethearts.
List: An Oprah Gif for Every Occasion
Graduations: Oprah in black informing Stephen Colbert’s audience that the tests are back and they all have chlamydia.
Quiz: Taylor Swift, Zachary Taylor, Jonathan Swift, or Jonathan Taylor-Thomas?
“Stop your nonsense and drink your whiskey!” / “Fine words! I wonder where you stole them.” / "We are never ever, ever, ever getting back together.”
How to Photoshop Yourself Dummy Thicc with Bob Ross
Wow. If you’ve photoshopped with me before, you know I like big ol’ tushies. And, there he is. That’s a big ol’ tush.