The Oscars Are About Quality, Not Diversity, and Also Scarlett Johansson Should Have Every Award
Despite ongoing #OscarsSoWhite controversy, it’s important to remember that the Oscars are, as Stephen King pointed out, about quality, not diversity.
Tag: Celebs
Oscar Presenters: Stop Reading Your Lines!
Your profession revolves around memorizing lines, making them believable, and delivering them to casting directors, audiences, and law enforcement.
Uncut Energy Crystals: Howard Ratner in LA
Not only will the green aventurine win you material success but the Yoni birth mother energy will protect you from any Price Waterhouse trickery.
I’m Scott Baio and Where the Fuck Is My Shitty Christian Movie?
I spoke at the Republican National Convention for Trump! What more do I have to do to prove that I’ll do literally anything?
It’s Me, Female Action Protagonist, Here to Solve Sexism
My backstory is abuse, the type doesn’t matter. Bullies, a family member, a boyfriend who is so overwhelmingly not in my league.
I May Be a Big Nobody, but My Vote Counts Just as Much as Yours, Mary-Kate (Or Ashley) Olsen
When we step into that partitioned desk and face that confusing-as-hell democracy apparatus, we’re ALL America’s Sweethearts.
List: An Oprah Gif for Every Occasion
Graduations: Oprah in black informing Stephen Colbert’s audience that the tests are back and they all have chlamydia.
Quiz: Taylor Swift, Zachary Taylor, Jonathan Swift, or Jonathan Taylor-Thomas?
“Stop your nonsense and drink your whiskey!” / “Fine words! I wonder where you stole them.” / "We are never ever, ever, ever getting back together.”
Our Beethoven Rebrand Journey: The Making of a Superstar Grump
March 5, 1795: He needs to lose the wig. Convinced every wig emporium to say they're out of his size. Remind intern to burn Ludwig's wig closet.
List: Adam Carolla’s Totally-Not-Gay, Dudely Dude COCKtail Guide
No-Homojito - Muddle the fuck out of some sugar, a mint sprig, and a gay lime. Add light rum as a top and dark rum as a bottom.
A Quick Spoiler-Free Review of “The Irishman”
In the end, I think the main takeaway for most bigtime movie buffs is the masterful performance of one Joseph “The Spanish Rattlesnake” Pesci.
I Took Penn & Teller’s Master Class on Magic and Now I’m on Death Row
But I had only completed five of the classes when they arrested me for sawing my roommate in half. I shouldn’t have tried such an advanced trick.