On Behalf of Our Entire Waitstaff, I Apologize for That New Birthday Song
Oh, I would hardly call what you saw "nudity" or "pornographic movements."
Comedy Writing
An Obituary for Thomas Sutton, Who Is Absolutely Dead
Despite the comments his neighbor Kevin left on Thomas’ Facebook posts, Thomas will be remembered by so many as a wonderful artist.
If You’re Anything Like Me
If you’re like me, you also have compassion and empathy. So when you realize the traffic is because of a major collision, you go from frustrated to concerned.
How to Determine Whether the Person You’re on a First Date With Is Actually Shaquille O’Neal in Disguise
For the fourth time this month you’re asking yourself: am I on a date with Hall-of-Famer Shaquille O’Neal wearing an elaborate disguise?
My Client Would Never Rob a “Noodles & Company”
Is it even a crime to steal pasta? Oh right, it is.
Parents, Just Fill Up the Volunteer Sign-Up Sheets and There Won’t Be Any Problems
You’re always baking anyway, what's one more batch of brownies? What about 12 extra batches?
I’m Going through a Lot Right Now, but I Won’t Let That Impact My Narration of This Nature Documentary
From the grandiose giraffe to Anders, this guy that works out at the gym my girlfriend goes to. All life, great and small, depends on water.
An Important Announcement from the Makers of the Big Burlap Sack with a Dollar Sign On It
We take pride in our product. We know that there is no better feeling than tossing a big burlap sack over your shoulder after a big heist.
Parents, Unfortunately We Are Disbanding Our School’s Curling Team
Mr. Jensen has not won eight gold medals in curling. In fact, it’s unclear whether or not Mr. Jensen has even seen curling before.
Negotiations from a Hostage Negotiator Who Clearly Has Some Stuff Going On at Home
How many of the hostages are in relationships? 12? Do they seem like they’re happy?
Easy Answers to Common Job Interview Questions for Anyone Who Was Saved by a Swamp Creature When They Were Nine
In five years I hope I can stop dwelling on the time when I was sucked into the thick swamp ooze only to be rescued by a creature of the night.
The Ultimate Personality Test: Are You Myers or Briggs from the Myers-Briggs Test?
Are you comfortable being the center of attention? Do you prefer working as part of a team, or by yourself?