If You Want the Marching Band to Get Off the Field, You’re Gonna Have to Fight the Tuba Player
I know, it’s fucked up. And I do not envy whoever has to go toe-to-toe with that buffalo of a man.
Tag: Music
How Dare You Accuse Me, Bro Country Star Tripp Haystack, of Misogynistic Lyrics?
When people told me they thought this song was about sexual relations, this corn-shuckin’ country boy was shocked.
Tough Conversations with My Mechanic Bruce Springsteen
Bruce: With this very unpleasin' sneezin' and wheezin, she’s revved up like a deuce. Me: Layman’s terms? Bruce: It’s totaled.
What Your Favorite Taylor Swift Album Says About Where You Were at the Time of Lady Ashby’s Murder
"Fearless" -- You see the glass as half-full, not half-empty. That includes the glass of tea which you brought to Lady Ashby the day she died.
No, I Didn’t Name My Child Michael Jordackson So He’d Aspire for Greatness as an NBA Player or World-Renowned Musician
I just happen to like the smooth sound of “Michael Jordackson.” It’s got a nice ring to it.
Choosing Your Tinnitus Ringtone
Choose a ringtone that’s right for you, your lifestyle, and your tolerance for the incessant cacophony of crickets inside your head jar.
This Church Service Would Be Way Better If the Youth Band Drummer Got into It More
Leadeth these people past the still waters and into a heavenly double-time breakdown. Let the angels proclaim the glory of that sick beat.
Boomer Anthems Reimagined by Millennials
I Got You Babe (And By “You” I Mean Rude Comments on Your TikTok)
I Am Surprise Releasing My Album, Technically, Because Nobody Knows Who I Am
Ah, the thrill of the entertainment industry, of which I am now a part as of several hours ago.
Fact or Myth? Setting the Record Straight on Miles Davis
Statement: Miles Davis’ career led to the discovery of acoustic soft-beach rocker Jack Johnson. Ruling: Myth. Again, no.
Metallica’s Clue and Other Metal Board Games
Iron Maiden’s Trivial Pursuit: All questions pertain to the band’s twelve-minute songs which sum up a book you were supposed to read in school but didn’t.
Perfect Songs for 12 Scenarios When You’re Shaving Parmesan over a Plate of Fettuccine Alfredo and Waiting for the Patron to Say “When”
When it’s clear the patron isn’t saying “when” anytime soon and your mind starts to wander.