Major Strasser of the Third Reich Trashes Rick’s Cafe on Yelp
My men and I were subjected to the cruelest act of bullying the world has ever seen, simply because we were singing songs of the Fatherland.
Tag: Music
List: New Tracks Dropped By Kremlin-Approved Rappers
Get hype for "Damn It Feels Good To Be A State-Sponsored Social Media Influencer," "Obey Tha Police," and "Putin Said Knock You Out."
An Open Apology From Fred Durst, Who Did Not Mean to Do It All for The Nookie
Once desirous of The Nookie, I found it began to stifle me, the voice of my generation. I became the gatekeeper of what was and was not Nookie.
List: The Temperaments of Other Musical Instruments, Vis-à-Vis the Clavier
The Foul-Tempered Oboe: Quicker to anger than the clavier, will just as soon stab you with a double-reed as look at you.
A Day in the Life of a Maroon 5 Member Who is Not Adam Levine
9:07 PM: You wonder if you were actually the one who made the comment about the band name and have been replaced by an Adam Levine. You’re not sure.
List: New and Improved Musical Instruments for 2019
When you're giving CPR and their mouth is stuck petrified in an O-shape, so when you blow it makes them whistle.
The Survival Guide for Open Mics
The Musician: This Jason Mraz-wannabe thought this mic was for music, but ended up in a cafe full of comedians and stuck it out for some reason.
A Few Quick Notes About Your Son’s “Tree #2” Role in His 6th Grade Play, From Me, The Lead’s Mother
Diane, your son is an expressionless stump on stage (no pun intended). I can’t stress this enough. He looks like a dead, lifeless boy.
Items That the Hip, Gentrifying Café Sells
Non-Metal Recyclable Straws: Metal won't cut it for us because it is prone to rust! So, we have created a straw made from bricks. Can brick rust?
Quiz: Are You Rupert Holmes’s Lady?
2. At your nephew’s bar mitzvah, Rupert “reluctantly” agrees to sing “Escape (the Piña Colada Song)” for the guests. What describes what happens next: