Lana Schwartz profile page

Lana Schwartz Brooklyn, NY

Lana Schwartz is a writer who was born and raised in New York City, where she continues to live today. You can read her writing on The New Yorker, The Hairpin, The Toast, and in her journals, which will be published posthumously.

Comedy Writing

An Exhaustive, Step-by-Step Guide to Buying Tickets to a Young Pop Star’s Concert as a 30-Something

Receive an unsubscribe message that says “Based on your age we think you may be more interested in The Lumineers.” Now, it’s personal.

by Lana Schwartz
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October 24, 2025
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1

The Pros and Cons of Congestion Pricing

Pro: It can help people see transportation solutions beyond cars. Con: Hey, cars are people too.

by Lana Schwartz
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August 7, 2025
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1

My Requirements for a New Social Media App

Yes, I want to see my friend’s joke about pouring milk in the bowl before cereal, but I also want a bot to direct me to pussy in bio.

by Lana Schwartz
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December 6, 2024

Some Plausible Reasons Why Scott Pruitt Might Hate Nature So Much

He's always asleep during both sunrise and sunset, so he's never seen one before. Doesn't get what the big deal is.

by Lana Schwartz
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April 12, 2018