The Ending of “Beauty and the Beast,” If Belle Wasn’t Into the Beast After His Transformation
“Oh. Well, I could try to grow a beard?” the Beast offers. “It’s just that it usually comes in kind of patchy."
Comedy Writing
The Devil Couldn’t Reach You, So He Sent Us to Play Our Phones on Full Volume
You see, the devil couldn’t reach you, so he sent us to test you. To torment you. To destroy your inner and outer peace.
Please Join Us for a Celebration of Life Without Uncle Andy
Uncle Andy contained multitudes. At his worst, he was a truly hateful, combative, and cruel man. At his best, however, he was also really annoying.
FAQ for Our Destination Wedding Inside an Active Volcano
We're so excited to celebrate the ever-burning, liquid-hot devotion and commitment we feel for each other in this unique and personal way.
When “Your Password Is Insecure” vs. When “Your Password Is Confident”
Your Password Is Insecure: password Your Password Is Confident: Password.Period.
Hemingway’s “For Sale: Baby Shoes, Never Worn” After He Was Told It Had to Hit a 500-Word Minimum
The man thought of all the places he had seen “For Sale” signs. He had seen them in boutiques and department stores and flea markets.
I Went to a Concert and Took a Bunch of Terrible Videos for Us to Watch Together Right Now
Just imagine the most unbelievable venue design I’ve ever seen is right behind his bald, moon-shaped head.
We’re Going to Begin Boarding Your Flight in the Following Order
Families traveling with children can begin boarding, at this time. Is anyone here thinking of having children? You, too, are welcome to line up.
In Addition to $10,000, Here Are Some Other Things I’d Like Forgiven from My Time in College
Smelling like a mix of Lay's Potato Chips, Victoria's Secret perfume, and Miller Lite for four years straight.
Are You at a Passover Seder or Taking an Online Personality Quiz?
Contains only four questions of actual importance.
It’s Me, the Sitcom Laugh Track. Just Admit It: You Miss Me
What happened to us?! It feels like only yesterday I was making sure you dimwits knew when to laugh during all sorts of zany shenanigans.
Common Misspellings of Hanukkah, in Context
- Hebrewka falls so early this year. - Harmonica, the Festival of Lights.