1. Claims to be different than all the other ones
  2. Goes on for way too long
  3. Opens the door for a promise of relief, which never actually arrives
  4. Asks you to recall generational trauma
  5. Leads you to drink, and drink, and drink some more
  6. Requires faith in the process
  7. Contains only four questions of actual importance
  8. Has you and everyone else your age searching for what has been broken, but only one person will find it
  9. Tells you that you’re part of a group that is “chosen”
  10. Leaves you feeling unexpectedly optimistic

1-10: Passover
1-4, 6-10: Online personality quiz (and sometimes 5, depending on the quiz)