We’re Going to Begin Boarding Your Flight in the Following Order
Families traveling with children can begin boarding, at this time. Is anyone here thinking of having children? You, too, are welcome to line up.
Comedy Writing
In Addition to $10,000, Here Are Some Other Things I’d Like Forgiven from My Time in College
Smelling like a mix of Lay's Potato Chips, Victoria's Secret perfume, and Miller Lite for four years straight.
Are You at a Passover Seder or Taking an Online Personality Quiz?
Contains only four questions of actual importance.
It’s Me, the Sitcom Laugh Track. Just Admit It: You Miss Me
What happened to us?! It feels like only yesterday I was making sure you dimwits knew when to laugh during all sorts of zany shenanigans.
Common Misspellings of Hanukkah, in Context
- Hebrewka falls so early this year. - Harmonica, the Festival of Lights.
Ten Questions to Ask Your Friend Who’s Feeling Down
Ask them if they've tried that pencil trick to help them smile their way out of stress.
Hey, It’s Me, Earth. We Need to Talk.
I just feel that the spark is gone. I’m not talking about the sparks that cause raging wildfires and destroy my forests.
I Am the Hiring Algorithm That Didn’t Select Your Job Application, and These Are the Words You Had to Say to Get an Interview
‘My’ ‘Cousin’ ‘Ben’ ‘Works’ ‘In’ ‘Accounting’ ‘And’ ‘He’ ‘Already’ ‘Flagged’ ‘My’ ‘Application’ Surprising, huh?! Who knew it was that simple?!
I’d Love to Invite You to Join Clubhouse, Even Though I Don’t Really Know What Clubhouse Is
Think of it as a chat room, but all audio. So you’re literally chatting. With strangers! Some of them are experts. That's what I've heard, anyway.
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer Reaches Out to HR
Okay, just because you didn’t say “Rudolph” doesn’t mean you “protected my identity.” It sounds like you were very specific about the shiny nose.
An Important Message from Your University President, Who Is Shocked That What Everyone Said Would Happen Is Happening
For starters, many of you have been attending parties. We told you not to do that! We thought you’d listen to us.
What He Means When He Says “You’re Not Like the Other Girls”
You have a personality. Other girls don’t. They have no personality. They aren’t funny and they have no hobbies or interests to speak of.