Hey, Humans.

I’ll make this quick: I think we need to break up. I really didn’t want to do this on my day. But, honestly, you barely give me any attention the rest of the year.

I know this may seem like it’s coming out of nowhere, but I just feel that the spark is gone. I’m not talking about the sparks that cause raging wildfires and destroy my forests —you’ve certainly done your best to make sure those sparks still exist. And speaking of fires, I’m tired of all the gaslighting! Whenever I ask, “are you going to do something about all the devastation?!” you’re like, “calm down, I used the recycling bin just last week!”

Please know that I’ll always remember the good times, especially those early days. You'd take long walks, eat whatever was in season, and almost always be naked. But something’s changed. It’s hard to say if it’s all the single-use plastic, the overfishing, or the deforestation. I guess in a way it’s all of those things. But also, I think it’s the fact that you do all of that, and then one day a year you’re like “I LOVE EARTH” on Instagram. And you do it from your smartphones, which have chips in them that are literally created from precious metals mined by destroying my surface.

I kept hoping this could work. Like I was so hopeful when I saw how excited you were to watch Planet Earth. But it didn’t take long for me to realize you only ever watched when high. It wasn’t about a genuine appreciation for all that I am. And it certainly didn’t come from a desire to learn more about me and my biodiversity. If anything, it was just another example of how you’d rather zone out than put in the effort to actually make this relationship work.

You have to understand that this is hard for me, but we want different things. You want to be able to do whatever you want without any consequence. And I want you to treat me a teeny tiny little bit better.

Like, that time I asked you to clean up the plastic in my ocean, or when I asked you to address the ever-growing landfill situation. But rather than try to work on our issues, you started talking about how it might be possible for humans to live on other planets. You literally called it “a fresh start.” Don’t try to deny it, I overheard you. Do you know how much that hurt me, to hear you considering tossing me out for a younger, prettier, unpolluted planet?! Let’s see how long things last with a planet that’s never accommodated humans before. I mean really.

Looking back, I probably wasn’t ready for a relationship with people. I thought I was, seeing as you’re just another mammal, and the rest of the animal kingdom has always treated me with respect. I know you hate when I bring up the other animals, but they’re a part of my ecosystem, too. The problem is, you humans think you’re better than everything else—like you invent tools one time and suddenly the rules don’t apply to you.

I know you have a lot going on right now, but you know what? I do, too. I think it’s time for me to focus on myself. Your lifestyle is a little chaotic. Some might even call it hedonistic. I’m not saying I would say that, but someone definitely would!!! And my friends all tell me I deserve someone better in my orbit. Like The Milky Way really doesn’t think you appreciate my bountiful and abundant wonders. I’m so habitable and that makes you think you can just walk, drive, and fly all over me.

I hate to get so heated, but you’re pushing me beyond my breaking point. So I’ll end on this: no more couple photos once a year. I’m sick of the pretending. Instead, just please treat me with respect the other 364 days. Okay?

I hope we can still be friends.

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