When my girlfriend walks away, she doesn’t follow her. She stays with me because I’m nurturing and friendly and like, super cool.
You’ve seen the lows; the fighting, the occasional breakups, and the time Jeff left me at Six Flags and the park closed while I was still inside.
You think you know a person and then they run off with 29 of your closest friends to do a smash-and-grab.
Max acknowledges that you are now an out lesbian with a live-in girlfriend and three dogs so he has suggested the following addendums.
Imagine him chasing after a ping pong ball. Imagine him eating a banana horizontally, à la corn on the cob.
“Can’t We Just Like, Blow Up His House?” and Other Things You Apparently Can’t Say to a Friend Going Through a Breakup
"What gives? Let's get fro-yo and drop a piano on him Looney Tunes-style."
Letter to My Wife After She Casually Told Me She Knew Someone Who Was Eaten by a Lion Ten Years into Our Relationship
I would think this would be first-three-date territory, even. Instead, you decided to mention it a decade into our relationship.
There wasn’t a single awkward pause, which is rare because I get anxious when I talk to a search engine I want to optimize.
Does he keep dropping hints about a dark backstory? Everyone knows that the hottest men are deeply traumatized by their pasts.
Immediately reschedule the client-by-client reviews; I like him so much I’m gonna throw up.
We give single people a chance to fall in love by making sure they are distracted by a bunch of petty in-fighting and random side-eye.
I still have all 327 of your fan letters from 1997--kick-ass Lisa Frank stationary, by the way--and I’m sorry it’s taken so long to respond.