I assure you that there is no better place to be than in a rickety metal porch swing slowly ascending to the sky!
No more acting like you don’t want guacamole or pretending that if you get guacamole, it’ll make you too full.
My initial thought was to upload old home movies of my clarinet recitals and junior varsity soccer games.
"Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan" provides New York City with little to do than look menacing and overly grimy.
I instead opt for one of my many t-shirts that feature Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs smoking marijuana.
As a chair on stage, they’re not expecting me to go there. They’re also not expecting me to be the one making the jokes.
You with your magnificent house you built yourself, two young healthy children, and a partner who loves you for who you are, and me with my podcast.
It was not I who called her “a useless swath of dogshit,” it was, in fact, Chicago crime lord Tony Ligitano.
You see, when I was fired from my job at Target for stealing money out of the register, it was actually a clever commentary on American capitalism.
The grocery store is like a math classroom come to life. This fact is true even as the global food supply chain crumbles.
It was never my intention to glamorize having lots of sex with beautiful women and I'm sorry if it came across that way.
May: The Memento effect begins to set in as the temperature starts to go up. You start to hear people say things like "Winter wasn’t even that bad."