I Feel Like You’re Only Friends with Me Because of My Printer
You interjected to ask if my depression over the breakup was the reason I had forgotten to buy a new fuchsia ink cartridge.
Comedy Writing
Entries from a Journal I Think Will Be Read by Other People
I called both my parents to tell them that I loved them, then I drove exactly 5 MPH above the speed limit to work.
What I Think Will Happen When I Become a Runner
My face won’t get all red and puffy, instead, it will take on a healthy glow, so much so that I will no longer need to wear makeup ever again.
I Know This Is Your Summer Hangout, but as Your Father I Think It Would Be Much Better If I Fired up the Grill
I’ve got everything lined up so this grilling experience won’t be sullied by past mistakes. Remember the infamous Frankless Fourth of July?
What I Think Will Happen When I Complete Duolingo Beginner French
“Merci,” I respond. “Incroyable,” the driver says, slowly taking off his sunglasses, “You really know your stuff.”
We Must Find the Culprit of These Heinous Murders Because the Detectives Keep Using All the Red Yarn I Need for Knitting
All that yarn wasted connecting pictures of faces when it could be connecting the rose petals of my hand-knit floral sweater.
What Satire Means to Me, a Straight, White, Cis Man
For me, satire is more than a literary genre. It’s the freedom to say whatever I want and not be accountable for any of it because “I’m just kidding.”
Alternatives to “Shakespeare in the Park”
Enjoy public performances like "George Bernard Shaw on a Precariously-Balanced Manhole Cover" and "David Mamet in the Penn Station Bathrooms."