It is no secret that our community has been plagued by a recent series of murders. We mourn the loss of these innocent victims, but let us not forget that the culprit is still out there. It is imperative that we band together as a community and root out this evil for the safety of our children, for the lives we’ve lost, and for my knitting projects that have been halted because the detectives keep using up all the red yarn.
I don’t mean to sound indelicate here. Obviously, my condolences go out to the families affected by these horrifying acts. But one of the women killed had five siblings. Five! Plus two parents! That’s a lot of suspects. Between teachers, boyfriends, bosses, friends, and sports coaches, there is probably an entire bundle of red yarn strewn about those police bulletin boards. All that yarn wasted connecting pictures of faces when it could be connecting the rose petals of my hand-knit floral sweater that’s all daisies and lilacs right now! My precious roses demand justice!
I get that the police need to visualize the relationships between suspects, but red is an important color, ok? This rainbow scarf I’m knitting for my 10-year-old niece has been stuck in limbo for a year because I can’t buy the crimson thread I need to finish it. It’s just OYGBIV right now. My poor greens and blues are so lost without red. There used to be a sense of respect for other people’s craftwork in this town, but I suppose you always think these sorts of things only happen to other people until they happen to you.
Not to mention these crimes have truly shaken our sense of safety, I mean, I don’t even feel comfortable in my beloved crafts store! Every time I go to Michaels, I find that officers have yet again gone all “supermarket-sweep” in the yarn section. They leave the other colors strewn everywhere, spilling off the shelves and on the floor. It is a flagrant disregard for the value of art supplies. If we start losing our humanity in the search for this killer, what makes us any different than them?
Remember a few months ago when the police arrested that creepy guy that lives by the marina?
“Thank god!” I thought, “The culprit has been seized and I’ll finally be able to finish my blanket that depicts a sunset!” Also, I was happy because, you know, the killings would stop. But no! His stupid wife came to the rescue with that security footage of him leaving the gym at the time of the murder. My sunset blanket remains entirely orange and pink, practically anemic without the blazing red sun in the center. When will we finally be able to return to normal? I don’t know how long my sunbeams can live like this.
Don’t even get me started on the clues left by this murderer. A scrap of clothing left on one side of town and car keys on the other side of town? Those locations probably took about four feet of yarn to mark those that giant map the police station has. The more evidence this murderer dropped, the more hopeless I felt when looking at my poor, defenseless ladybug mittens, the would-be thread for their wings strung out like some sort of topographical cat's cradle for people who don’t even appreciate normal cat's cradle.
I’ve tried telling the police chief just to use one piece of yarn for all the suspects but he brushes me off. I’ve tried suggesting using a different color, like a dark greenish-brown that surely no one would miss if it went flying off the shelves during times of high crime. I’ve even tried leaving them butcher’s twine at the station in the hopes that they would use it as a replacement. But no, my calls go unanswered and I am yet again left with a fruit-themed cardigan that’s all watermelon rinds and cherry stems. The police keep telling us to be vigilant when we’re out and about, but I can’t leave the house in such ridiculous garb!
We must all do our part in finding the person who committed these horrible crimes. I implore everyone in the community to report any suspicious activity so that we can one day arrest the person who did this, and in doing so, finally allow me to finish my heirloom tomato beanie. And serve justice I guess.