When to Cry Over Spilled Milk
When the milk you spilled gets into every crevice of your floor, stove, and cupboards, making everything permanently sticky.
Comedy Writing
I’m Excited to Join Your Run Club for All the Right Reasons
I don’t expect to meet anyone by joining your Club, but I wouldn’t be upset if someone asked about me. Has anyone asked about me yet?
I Am Totally Comfortable with This Awkward Silence
But if I nod, I may agree to something I strongly disagree with. Like that the world is flat or that black licorice is delicious.
My Bad, I’m a Worrier, Not a Warrior
Your Majesty, what I’m saying is that I am a worrier---all I do all day long is worry about every little thing that could possibly go wrong.
Announcing My Seasonal Transition to Fairweather Friend
Fairweather Friend Season commences with the onset of colder temperatures, and/or bird migration, and/or closed-toed shoes.
Tips for Enjoying Our Holiday Market While You Wait in Line to Get In
Wearing multiple warm layers will ensure that you don’t end up in the ER with hypothermia.
Customer Satisfaction Survey: Please Rate Your Recent Visit to View the Sunset
Was the Sun clean, odor-free, safe, and professional in appearance? How satisfied were you with your wait time for the Sun to set?
Our Holistic Retreat Will Completely Change You into the Perfect Person You Already Are
If you did not bring the appropriate attire for slithering or clinging, please see me after the welcome circle for gloves and knee pads.
Are You Han Solo or a Solo Woman in Your 40s?
- You like to travel and explore places far, far away. - You prefer drinking in bars with a unique atmosphere and diverse characters.
The Best White Noise App Just Got Better with City Sounds You’ll Love
Construction Soundscapes: - Indoor: Hammering, Banging, Drilling - Indoor/Outdoor: Reverberating Machine Humming (Origin Unknown)
I Am Your Free Spirit and I Quit
You dropped out of law school to travel around the world “like an Australian.” I knew this was the beginning of something special.