Run Clubs are all the rage right now, and I’m so glad to learn that I have one right here in my neighborhood. What a great way to stay active and socialize. Some people are even using Run Clubs for dating. Such a fun idea, right? Of course, I don’t expect to meet anyone by joining your Club, but I wouldn’t be upset if someone asked about me. Has anyone asked about me yet?

By the way, when you add a new member to the Run Club, do you have a box on the application form for relationship status? You don’t have an application? I’ll fix that. I’m great with forms.

I am really looking forward to meeting the other members. I enjoy the company of all kinds of people. Men, women, single men. I guess if I had to pick, I’d say I most enjoy the company of single people, specifically single men, in my age range who live within a five-mile radius and are employed. Could you maybe point out which ones of the runners are single? Like that guy stretching his quads over there—what’s his deal? You don’t know? Well, this is why those application forms would be super handy.

I am really excited to work on my running technique and talk about sneakers. Or do we call them running shoes? Perhaps we could bring in an expert from one of the specialized running shoe stores, like DSW. Ideally, someone at least 6’ tall with a brooding stare but a heart of gold. He should probably know some things about sneakers, but it’s not required.

Are we set on running as the main activity of this Run Club? Have you tried walking? Like long walks on the beach? It’s a great workout and much more conducive to having meaningful get-to-know-you conversations with the other handsome members of the Run Club.

I know you all like to take a celebratory group photo after a big run. I love that! But I’d love it even more if we could take the photo before the run, so we all look our best. I’d hate to be all sweaty and gross after I had my hair done, specifically for the run. And of course, we must post the photos on all your social media pages. Oh, you only use Meetup? Don’t worry, I’ll get our Run Club on Facebook, Instagram, BlueSky, TikTok, SnapChat, Strava, Hinge, eHarmony, Match, Tinder, OkCupid, Feeld, Raya, Bumble, Reddit, and Coffee Meets Bagel.

After we take the photos, just throwing it out there, we could skip the running and go straight to celebrating with some Aperol Spritzes. We can also, and I’m just spitballing, do so in a rotating fashion, where the single members talk to each other for eight minutes until a bell rings, and then move on to the next person. And in the end, we can all write down who we vibed with. I’ll bring the bell.

I also have an idea about t-shirts I’d love to run by you (get it—run by you?). To feel like a real club and harness our team spirit, we need matching t-shirts. How will people know we are in a club and what we are all about? That’s why I mocked up a few slogans: “Single and Ready to Mingle,” “If You Run, I’ll Chase You,” and “Stop Running, No, Seriously, Stop.”

For t-shirts, it might be cool to do three different colors: yellow if you are single, inspired by the singles in Spain who place an upside-down pineapple in their shopping carts. Black if you are coupled. Orange if you are coupled but think you might be separating soon.

But that’s just one idea. I have many, many ideas.

Actually, what if instead of running, we organize a potluck picnic? I’ll bring a pineapple fruit salad.

Have you considered adding animals to your runs for motivation? Like they do in “puppy yoga” or “goat yoga.” Which animal runs fast? A cheetah for sure, but that might be hard to attain. We can certainly scrounge up a horse or two. That will be inspiring, right? Actually, once we get the horses, it would be a waste to run with them. We should probably just pair off and ride them into the sunset.

So yeah, I’m all in, I couldn’t be more excited to join your Run Club. Sign me up!