The Moments When I Realized My Dates Were a Bunch of Spiders in a Trench Coat
“I was intrigued by the mention of fly fishing on your profile. I like fly fishing too!” “Wow! Let me show you a picture of this fish I caught.” “Fish?”
“I was intrigued by the mention of fly fishing on your profile. I like fly fishing too!” “Wow! Let me show you a picture of this fish I caught.” “Fish?”
Con: Quite frequently we will have leave during movie night to oversee the search for knights and an exorcist.
- Let’s form our own special select committee - Please be my Majority Whip - We should move forward with a discharge petition
Visit The Zoo: The animal kingdom accepts open displays of weeping.
While you're stocking up on chocolate-covered everything, fighting tooth and nail for a dinner rez, indulge in these love bites.
You Can Mention Frankie Muniz, But Don’t Harp on It: This feels like an obvious one but it is worth mentioning.
Children: No! Ok, I do have one ward. Just the one! She's not my actual child, it’s just… It's complicated.
You’re willing to fight for what I deserve. You categorically accept my claim that, “This is not entirely my fault.”
Go on two dates with me that seem to go well, but then inexplicably ghost me, I’m half Irish
These tactics will work even if you’ve never spoken to a woman in your life—whether you’re a defrocked priest, or just a little shy.
Discover a New Type of Bug: When you’re talking about the bug on National Geographic, make a joke about how you’re single.
Matchbox 20: Things will go great until you ask him about his favorite band.