I Am the Stain That’s Already Ruined Your Favorite Sweater
The whole restaurant glares as you fling your body away from the table like you’re protecting the commander-in-chief.
Tag: Dating
I’m Stepping Down from My Role of Resharing My Wedding Photos from 2018 on Facebook
It was a tough decision to resign from plugging images looking my most beautiful on the best day of my life, but something I finally felt ready to do.
Valentine Preparedness Advisory and Emergency Response Protocol
Romantic pressure systems are likely to develop in the coming weeks and residents are encouraged to remain calm, plan ahead, and avoid unnecessary exposure.
I’m Excited to Join Your Run Club for All the Right Reasons
I don’t expect to meet anyone by joining your Club, but I wouldn’t be upset if someone asked about me. Has anyone asked about me yet?
The Hinge Profile of a World War I Soldier
Let’s make sure we’re on the same page about---The fact that I do NOT have trench foot.
How to Determine Whether the Person You’re on a First Date With Is Actually Shaquille O’Neal in Disguise
For the fourth time this month you’re asking yourself: am I on a date with Hall-of-Famer Shaquille O’Neal wearing an elaborate disguise?
What I Imagined “Going to the Bar” Would Be Like When I Was 12 Years Old Versus How It Was Last Week
Reality: The bar door is a push not a pull, and I make quite a scene trying to open it.
Telltale Signs Your Mysterious New Boyfriend Is Actually Rumpelstiltskin
Is he “ugly-hot” or does his face bear the mark of an impish, Germanic evil?
Though I Appear to Be a Humble Pimple, I Am Actually Your Last, Best, and Cosmic Hope
But I am not your enemy. I’m part of a much larger cosmic intelligence that knows what’s best for you.
You’re Caught in a Bear Trap? I’m Not Falling for That Again
“I am caught in this bear trap and I’m in grave danger” is one of the oldest tricks in the book. Tight up there with “Don’t I know you from somewhere?”
A Layman’s Guide to Einstein’s Theory of Relativity
Relativity is abstract, I know. Let’s give it some specificity, to see if we can make it more accessible for you.
An Open Letter to the Man Who’s Liked Me on Hinge Five Times
My profile specifically states I'm looking for "the Jim to my Pam," meanwhile you're still "figuring out your relationship type."