Persistent Car Salesman: Hi, Jared, it’s me, Buddy (at least that’s the name you call me by). Well… I’ve written a screenplay!
I’m the Mosquito Bite You Got at That Outdoor Cinema, and if You Scratch Me I Shall Become More Powerful Than You Can Possibly Imagine
Pride leads to compromise. Compromise leads to shorts. Shorts lead to mosquitos. Mosquitos lead to suffering.
In an instant a few things happened: we locked eyes and both looked away in embarrassment; and I realized it was me.
I don't think any of my boyfriends have had such a positive impact on my life. You know, cup of Joe sends me off to work every day.
Nothing makes a man feel more like a god than putting together a woman’s misshapen pieces and presenting a beautiful picture to post on Instagram.
“I was reluctant to try Tinder, too. You never know what weirdos you might find. Anyway, I enjoyed reading my entire dissertation aloud to you."
As your Venus begins to fade you may be feeling like you're losing control of your life. A man can really help with that.
Measles, schmeasles... which is actually a new form of measles.
Note my proper use of “whom.” “Whom” is also my safe word.
She thinks I forgot what park it was! We walked by it two months ago and she said “Look! Do you remember?” and I said “What?"
All the kisses started to look the same, and I was kind of bored by the time it was my turn. Could each kiss include progressively more tongue? (Oswald)
The 1950s: He never calls you again, and you find out from his mom that he got drafted into the Korean War.