Everything I Told Brenda, Who Waxed My Bikini Line the Day I Became Fully Vaccinated
- Ah, yeah, I got Pfizer, too. - My weekend was good! Just went to the park, socially distanced. How was yours? - AGH, OUCH! Shit. No, I’m okay.
Comedy Writing
An Open Letter to That Asshole, Algebra, Who I Thought I’d Never See Again
I’ve never needed the Pythagorean Theorem for any moment of my life. I’m a million times better off without you, just like I always thought.
An Open Letter to Fall Out Boy Regarding All the Incorrect Lyrics I’ve Been Singing for the Last Decade and a Half
Now, I’ll admit. I knew the words that I was singing were not in fact “words.” They were more like syllables strung together.
How to Look Like You Know Where You’re Going When You Clearly Don’t
Think something along the lines of “My oven is on!” or “I have a deadline to meet!” hold up your index finger in the air, and abruptly turn around.
Everything in the Notes App on Your Phone
Journal entries dissecting a previous relationship / Bad poetry / Concerns to share with doctor / Reminder to self to be more crafty
An Open Letter to All the Men I’ve Loved Before, Who Are Unaware We’re Currently Dating
I’m disappointed that after our four-message exchange about how our weekends went, you haven’t proposed. It’s been almost a year, after all.