Do Not Use That Stall, I Just Had a Huge Cry in There
I felt a little weird so I went to the bathroom. And—I’m sorry if this is TMI—but I just started fucking bawling man.
Comedy Writing
As Your Next Mayor, I Promise to Deal with Greg
As your mayor I promise to deal with the blights of this city: dozens of unfilled potholes, a lack of affordable housing, and obviously, Greg.
You’re Caught in a Bear Trap? I’m Not Falling for That Again
“I am caught in this bear trap and I’m in grave danger” is one of the oldest tricks in the book. Tight up there with “Don’t I know you from somewhere?”
At Pirate’s Landing Funeral Home, We’ll Treat You with the Dignity You Desaaarrrrve
We at Pirate’s Landing Funeral Home take a human-first approach to plannin’ a swashbucklin’ goodbye.
You Need to Stop Cockblocking Me, the Romantic Lead of This Hallmark Holiday Movie
I leaned in super slowly for a kiss when… her freaking precocious daughter popped in so that we could taste the cookies she made.
Team Building Activities HR Won’t Let Me Do for Some Reason
- DIY ax throwing in the parking lot - Fish microwaving contest - Egging Janet in HR’s car (for charity)
Now That Everyone Knows Aliens Exist, Can I Please Hang Out with You Guys after Work?
I offered to shapeshift so that I look exactly like Kevin or even just wear a baseball cap if it would be helpful.