Did we go to college together? No, I went to Penn State. High school? No, I’m from New York. Middle School? No, I never graduated.
Because at VERMO Liquid Ant Baits, we don’t sell insecticide. We sell experiences.
We don't even know him, what if this kickass party goes to waste because your baby ends up being a loser or something?
You think you know a person and then they run off with 29 of your closest friends to do a smash-and-grab.
When I dared him to grant me one wish, I should have known that a quite expansive piece of sandy land would appear right where I was standing.
While on the outside I look like I spent a past life as a lava lamp, my insides are as square as an actuary’s lunch box.
“Can’t We Just Like, Blow Up His House?” and Other Things You Apparently Can’t Say to a Friend Going Through a Breakup
"What gives? Let's get fro-yo and drop a piano on him Looney Tunes-style."
“Everything must come to an end.” Did I just tell you I’m dying, or that I finished The Legend of Zelda?
I will not condemn this man to death until this jury promises to come see my band this weekend.
Two goldfish crackers. There used to be six, but you reached in between the cushion and ate four of them three weeks after they fell here.
Since I’m no longer fixated on my news feed when we go out, I’ve started taking our six rescue dogs with me to the local coffee shop.
FAQs for Contestants on Netflix’s New Reality Dating Show, “Justice Is Blind,” Hosted by Clarence Thomas
Justice Is Blind follows Clarence Thomas in his delightfully romantic quest to find his new Billionaire Best Friend Forever.