To Whom it May Concern,

Considering my previous roles, this position is an ideal fit. I’ve been active in the friend industry for over seven years. I’ve primarily worked in one-on-one settings where a pal and I watch a two to three hour movie then we deem it either “bad” or “neat” before discussing dinner plans. While this may appear pedestrian, every movie we watched was at the IFC Center.

I’m ready to take my skillset to a group setting. Specifically to join your Fortune 500 friend group, where I’m excited to potentially call myself a Friend (Tier 1). I’ve read that Forbes named your circle as one of America’s best groups to befriend in 2024.

Videos featuring your friend group on Instagram have been deeply informative. I understand that you often find yourselves by pools. I’m more comfortable than most with bodies of water. I’m able to gracefully approach and climb upon novelty flotation devices like big bananas or a rotund flamingo without leaving the water.

My references can tell you about my critical role in the friend group consulting field. My friends, Dickalilia and Jane often vent to me about their activities with chums, including but not limited to group trips, surprise romances, and generalized frustrations. I know the pitfalls of friend groups, so I understand how to improve friend proceedings.

Given my experience, I can easily hit your friend group’s KPIs. In previous friendships, I’ve led organic development on inside jokes such as “goomba hawaii,” “Uh, look at those pants,” and “Mouth Tooth.” I cannot fully explain these phrases. You had to be there.

Several of my jokes have remained in circulation for over two years. Few have even become ingrained enough for friends to ask, “Where did this come from?” I am a natural fit to any friend group.

I understand the friend group is primarily located in Ridgewood, Brooklyn (technically it’s Queens, but I will endeavor to say Brooklyn to increase your comfort). I reside in another Brooklyn neighborhood 30 minutes away from the area. I believe our bond will be strong enough to justify a commute for an in-apartment hang. Additionally, I recognize that this group allows friends to converse remotely. I do not know what Discord is, but I’m excited to learn.

I’m very thankful that Jacklyn Alope recommended me to join the group. It’s my understanding that the guy before me was highly disdained due to his rampant and expansive yogurt offerings.

And that he regularly wore a shirt that read “Hardest Worker in the Room.” I have no such dairy products to shill or braggadocious cloth. I will certainly make themed treats for cinematic events such as the Oscars. I’m certain Jacklyn has shared pictures of my Brutalist Basque Cheesecake.

Looking forward to hearing back.

Cheers,

Skylar Kincaid