If you live in Houston long enough people start calling you “Tex.” I’ve lived in Chicago long enough that even my therapist calls me “Ill.”

— Phil Healy

I once worked at a used car dealership for cars that would randomly start driving. We stood behind every car we sold.

— Phil Healy

I have two cats: the black one is named Midnight and the orange one is named 5:45.

— Phil Healy