Open Letters | Points in Case

Tag: Open Letters

I shall return triumphant—and in my best Dockers and newest Crocs—exactly as the Great Destiny has deemed it to be.

“You won’t be needing that anymore,” you told me “from now on, you’re known as ‘sad male employee burns mouth on coffee too hot office man.'”

501-1000 likes: Your package will be delivered by dedicated Piper Cub and guarded en route by a contingent of off-duty Allstate Security agents.

Not many people know this, but my bees once stung the hell out of Mario Cuomo. That’s right, this horde of insects is a part of New York history.

Once desirous of The Nookie, I found it began to stifle me, the voice of my generation. I became the gatekeeper of what was and was not Nookie.

RULE 22.0: Imagine for a moment a model train set circling without purpose—you’re the little plastic conductor.

When I said I personally liked having 30 books in my house, I meant it because that's what I like. It was a fucking suggestion, not a threat.

You're probably wondering, what sort of management skills does this guy have to run Tesla? Rest assured, I'm just like you: all over the place.

Diane, your son is an expressionless stump on stage (no pun intended). I can’t stress this enough. He looks like a dead, lifeless boy.

I am fairly certain my stepson is going to murder me. These albums have turned what's left of His heart as frosted as the tips of His hair.