Open Letters | Points in Case

Tag: Open Letters

I think you are so unintelligent that I can change your opinion on something like a fannypack by creating a commercial that depicts trendy values.

Despite being “Employee of the Month” at the Chili’s I work at, this pales in comparison to the abysmal feeling of not being a billionaire.

If you want a salesman who spends all day practicing spitting into a spittoon so it makes a "ping" noise, I’m your guy.

So long as your child has no criminal convictions and a clean employment record, he should have no trouble obtaining the ranking of “Top Secret.”

I’m never totally sure what rises to the occasion of repentance, but I get the distinct feeling most things do?

Being a happy-go-lightly, vacant soul, you’re probably wondering why I didn’t use that fistful of dollars to pay for the order of the guy behind me.

I shall return triumphant—and in my best Dockers and newest Crocs—exactly as the Great Destiny has deemed it to be.

“You won’t be needing that anymore,” you told me “from now on, you’re known as ‘sad male employee burns mouth on coffee too hot office man.'”

501-1000 likes: Your package will be delivered by dedicated Piper Cub and guarded en route by a contingent of off-duty Allstate Security agents.

Not many people know this, but my bees once stung the hell out of Mario Cuomo. That’s right, this horde of insects is a part of New York history.