Open Letters

Tag: Open Letters

I’m a big fan of your troupe’s silly make-em-ups. But a fella can only be overlooked for so long without starting to take it personal.

Speaking of, I’ve been thinking about playing some Allman Brothers at the rehearsal dinner. But I might need a little lead time to learn the solo.

Even that pathetic loser Bernard received a letter from his gal.

I understand your concern about a Victorian doll covered in real ashes from a 200-year-old fireplace watching you as you sleep.

If you need some help, I can recommend a few biblical scholars who have worked on visions before, I don’t mind asking them (they’re fans).

But now, a poor approximation of Jean Marie that looks similar to a haunted Victorian child is disfiguring the thighs of her two living legacies.

Be still my heart, for chivalry is not dead—merely wheezing along at three miles per hour.

Coming back to the question of spiders, are you afraid of spiders generally, or only “out of context”?

I’m not sure if you are aware that my hands were a little wet when the pickle jar was passed to me.

What would you rather have: frugal parents who saved almost $2 a month, or documented proof that you experienced a childhood?

The one-year anniversary of the day I sold you my couch on Craigslist! Time really does fly, huh?

To be fair, they are really good poems. I don’t want to toot my own horn (a little proctologist humor there), but those poems are inspired.