Open Letters | Points in Case

Tag: Open Letters

Would you like your receipt via text, email, or Gordian Knot full of surveys and "Extrabucks" offers you can’t throw away fast enough?

If there was ever a year for you to slip through and get this relatively prestigious residency, it would have been this one.

We wanted to let you know how deeply we were moved by your generous mandatory contribution. 30% of your base income… It was just what we wanted!

Thanks to you and the Magical Musical Mat™, every minute of my life is now a beeping, squawking, nonstop honking nightmare.

It is with great regret that we inform you that you are by far the worst applicant our university has ever seen.

They say time heals all wounds, but that’s only for people who aren’t known by a nickname based on their biggest insecurity.

I mean, your boyfriend just seems like one of those guys who would step out on you, know what I mean?

Every year we live in fear of predatory rent hikes by turkey vulture-owned management companies.

We may be a lab in a haunted castle, but we still have rules.

I feel like I know you. The surveillance software used to monitor your workflow has been telling me what a great person you are.

It's not like I’m going to be walking in the park only to be attacked by a stealthy vending machine that pops out from behind a tree.

Heather was a total warrior throughout. Every time I saw what she was going through, I was in total awe. Like… Wow. Women are strong.