Is this just a money thing? Because I have the $5 birthday checks to prove this is a misguided venture.
Tag: Open Letters
Here in Human Resources, we are consistently e-applauding each and every one of our hard-working, self-sacrificing rockstars.
Please Take Notice: If You Ordered an IHOP Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity Breakfast between March 14, 2016 and August 4, 2017, You May Be Entitled to Compensation
If you ate all that, we’re astonished you are alive to read this notice. Your arteries must be as hard as bricks.
My degree in the Art History of Bookbinding has proved utterly useless, even in the bookbinding industry.
I usually stay in the center of your tummy but unfortunately today I’m writing to you from the deepest depths of what could be considered your "gut."
Submissions open at 3 AM on nights when our editor-in-chief looks at the night sky and feels a particular shade of melancholy.
As for the incalculable diminished commercial value you have caused us in previous years, we are willing to settle for a one-time $8 billion settlement.
At 1,559 years old, I’m not getting any younger. And a woman has to do what she can to make it through this cold, ice-hard world.
But our new line of Terra® products is now made of cost-saving, eco-friendly burlap, with ties and closures of jute twine!
Apple pie is still on! Flour is in high demand and low availability, so we will have to make do with some sort of potato-based crust.
Projections show that if the current situation is allowed to continue without intervention, the vibes at NASA could reach weird levels.
We realize it’s atypical to ban someone who hasn’t violated our Terms of Service, we strongly believe that your personality and general vibe justify an exception.