An Open Letter to Adam McKay About My Own Script, a Heavy-Handed Allegory for the Iran-Contra Affair
There’s something else rapidly becoming the defining issue of our time: the 1985 Iran-Contra affair. And goddamn, I’ve written a movie about it.
Tag: Open Letters
An Open Letter to Whoever Keeps Hacking My Grandma’s Facebook
Is this just a money thing? Because I have the $5 birthday checks to prove this is a misguided venture.
Would You Like to Make a Charitable Donation to Our Payroll Fund?
Here in Human Resources, we are consistently e-applauding each and every one of our hard-working, self-sacrificing rockstars.
Please Take Notice: If You Ordered an IHOP Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity Breakfast between March 14, 2016 and August 4, 2017, You May Be Entitled to Compensation
If you ate all that, we’re astonished you are alive to read this notice. Your arteries must be as hard as bricks.
An Honestly Bad Job Application
My degree in the Art History of Bookbinding has proved utterly useless, even in the bookbinding industry.
Postcards from the Pit in Your Stomach
I usually stay in the center of your tummy but unfortunately today I’m writing to you from the deepest depths of what could be considered your "gut."
Submission Guidelines for Convolution Lit
Submissions open at 3 AM on nights when our editor-in-chief looks at the night sky and feels a particular shade of melancholy.
Cease-and-Desist Letters from Hasbro to Santa
As for the incalculable diminished commercial value you have caused us in previous years, we are willing to settle for a one-time $8 billion settlement.
Mrs. Claus Serves Santa Divorce Papers
At 1,559 years old, I’m not getting any younger. And a woman has to do what she can to make it through this cold, ice-hard world.
We Are Discontinuing Your Favorite Underwear
But our new line of Terra® products is now made of cost-saving, eco-friendly burlap, with ties and closures of jute twine!
Global Supply Chain Issues Have Not Spared This Year’s Thanksgiving Menu
Apple pie is still on! Flour is in high demand and low availability, so we will have to make do with some sort of potato-based crust.
After Yet Another Workplace Accident, NASA Is Banning the Following Basketball Moves
Projections show that if the current situation is allowed to continue without intervention, the vibes at NASA could reach weird levels.