Biblical Figures Stub Their Toe
Cain: Cain is in pain! Abel: I'm un-Abel to walk comfortably!
I breakdance without the piece of cardboard on the ground & I've got 8 bloody adidas tracksuits to prove it. All in hopes to save the family farm from them slick city bankers.
Cain: Cain is in pain! Abel: I'm un-Abel to walk comfortably!
Every time I tried to treat one, it would start freaking out and flapping its wings trying to fly away.
Good game, I didn’t mean what I said when I said, “We’re gonna kill this sorry ass team!”
I just happen to like the smooth sound of “Michael Jordackson.” It’s got a nice ring to it.
Congratulations on your new baby! You know what else is new? New York City, where I work and live.
I think I can muster up just enough strength to go put the gardening tools away but that’s about it. Just give me a second while I try to stand up.
Oh McNo. I’m not McFeeling so McWell. My McVision is all McBlurred and I have a McPain in my McAbdomen.
Did something happen between us? Did I wrong you? And if so, why bring that energy into your vacation photos?
WHY DO YOU HAVE YOUR PANTS DOWN TO YOUR ANKLES, PRIVATE?
If the football coach's team loses the game they dump acid on him.
Torture, salivating, aroused. Every second, a sheet of currency worth the amount of my student loans passes me.
The journey of a thousand ham slices begins with a single cut of the deli slicer.