God: Gosh!

Adam: AH! Damn!

Eve: Good grief, I stubbed the toe of Eve!

Cain: Cain is in pain!

Abel: I’m un-Abel to walk comfortably!

Noah: Noah stubbed his toe-ah!

Abraham: I stubbed my toe and I don’t know whether I should feel pain or take it as a sign from God to murder my son.

Isaac: I stubbed my toe and I don’t know whether to pray that my father doesn’t take it as a sign from God to murder me or run away.

The Virgin Mary: Ouch, I stubbed my toe so hard it broke my hymen! It was fully intact before and now it’s broken so if you were to check just know that it's from stubbing my toe and nothing else.

Joseph: I stubbed my toe on the same chair yesterday. I do it all the time. It’s built improperly. Nothing extreme like that ever happened to me though. LET'S JUST HOPE WHOEVER’S BABY YOUR PREGNANT WITH IS A CARPENTER SO WE STOP HAVING THAT PROBLEM!

Jesus Christ: Jeez, cripes!

Unnamed Roman Soldier: Jesus Christ! Sorry, I don’t know why I said that. I guess it’s because I looked like Jesus carrying the cross the way I just stubbed my toe and fell down. We should start saying Jesus Christ when we do stuff like that, not just shout another word that sort’ve sounds like our own name. When did that become a thing? I have a friend named Moe and I saw him stub his toe and he said, “Oh no! Stinky Moe hurt his pinky toe!” It’s embarrassing. I don’t understand why we do that.

Moses: Holy me! Watch your step guys, I can part the sea but you can still stub your toe on the seabed if you drag your feet. And if you do, please don’t say “Jesus Christ” in vain. I know that’s been going around but that’s not cool. I’d rather you say “Holy Moses” and, no, it’s not because I’m trying to compete with him. There’d be no competition anyways, he never parted a body of water. Walked on, maybe, but never parted. Listen, you can say whatever you want but I’m pretty sure a stone tablet over there says you can go to hell for it so choose wisely. Nothing against “Holy Moses” though. It’ll catch on, you watch.