Would you rather live to be 100 or die right now?

Would you rather win the lottery or lose the lottery?

Would you rather double your intelligence or double the size of your skull?

Would you rather grow old with the love of your life or get torn apart by lions?

Would you rather smell really bad for the rest of your life or smell really good for the rest of your life?

Would you rather be alive during The Renaissance or be Lou Gehrig after he was diagnosed with Lou Gehrig’s disease?

Would you rather be sentenced to death for something you didn’t do or have a rock in your shoe?

Would you rather have the ability to fly or the ability to read minds (but only the minds of birds who understand flying, eating bugs, and building nests out of trash)?

Would you rather eat the same meal you ate yesterday or eat the same meal you ate yesterday after it went through your body?

Would you rather transform into a different race, age, and gender at random intervals without warning for the rest of your life or remain the same?

Would you rather give a man a fish or teach a man to fish only to find out he doesn’t eat seafood or live near a freshwater source or have reliable transportation?

Would you rather be a pedophile in prison or wear a sweater on a hot day?

Would you rather be on every television channel for war crimes you committed or be a nameless loser forever?

Would you rather pick all the obvious answers or allow something interesting to happen in your life for once?

Would you rather do the right thing which is always much harder or just do the wrong thing every time because it’s easy?

Would you rather stop playing this game or stop playing games with your one, God-given life?

Would you rather feel completely unchanged by this entire experience or feel radically different to the point where you have to relearn everything you thought you knew and even learn some new things for the first time like calculus?

Would you rather start playing this game over again as a changed person or are you tapped out at this point?

Would you rather stop here because there are better uses of your time or stop because you’ve taken what you feel is enough of my wisdom to heart and you’re ready to go out and face the world?

Last question: Would you rather lie to my face to escape the emotional burden of answering more follow-up questions or be honest which might make this go on for a bit longer than you hoped?

Actual last question. I promise! No more after this: Would you rather not answer the last seven questions at all because the truth would hurt my feelings or would you rather hurt my feelings in service of helping me become a better person even if it’s just the first small step of many that I should take to get myself focused on a better life?

And THIS is the absolute, FINAL question (optional): Would you rather have a rewind button on your life or a menu button where you can mess around with the settings, picture, audio, all that stuff? Think about it. There’s no wrong answer.