Forget Punxsutawney Phil: Other Woodland Creatures and the Predictions They Make
If the deer flares its nostrils, it means that when you debut a new outfit, at least two people will notice and compliment you on it.
Comedy Writing
Yelp Reviews of Pennywise the Clown
P.U., this clown stunk! Literally, he smelled like he crawled out of a sewer.
An Open Letter to Shark Experts and Statisticians
It's not like I’m going to be walking in the park only to be attacked by a stealthy vending machine that pops out from behind a tree.
This Year I’m Not Going to Eat All of the Candy I Bought for the Trick-or-Treaters
The big bag is a safer purchase. Now it won’t be the end of the world if I have one. I’d hate to disappoint the kids two years in a row.
Hi, I’m Your Seatmate and It’s Going to Be a Long Flight
Time to get these shoes and socks off, settle in, and make myself at home. The air helps my feet breathe.
A Teacher Weaves His Marital Strife into His Second Grade Spelling Lesson
Help: Never be afraid to ask for help. Some couples go to a marital counselor for help. Help.
I’m Your Unexpected Hangover and I’m Here to Ruin Your Day
"I only had two glasses of wine with dinner." Ah, ah, ah. Correction: you had two AND A HALF glasses of wine.
An Open Letter to People Who Bag Their Dog’s Poo Only to Leave It Behind as Litter
Let me guess, you didn’t want to carry it around with you for the rest of your walk and you planned on picking it up on your way home?
122 More-Fitting Rapper Names That Start with “Lil'”
You've heard of Lil' Wayne and Lil' Kim, but doesn't Lil’ Dipper, Lil’ Sidetracked by Social Media, and Lil’ Antsy make so much more sense?
I’m the Pencil Sharpener in Your Classroom and I’m Here to Wear You and Your Pencil Down Until There Is Nothing Left
How'd you do this time? That looks marvelous! Oh, would you look at that: the lead just fell out. How does that even happen?
Halloween Candies and the People Who Hand Them Out
Candy Corn --- I may look like I’m relatively young, but I’m actually a centenarian trapped inside a younger body.
If I Can’t Backpack Through Europe, How Am I Supposed to Discover Myself?
How am I supposed to get people to think I’m cultured and experienced if I don’t have the selfies with European landmarks to prove it?