Listen, I appreciate being included in this Christmas parade but, frankly, I’m not sure why I’m here.
I’m Your Yoga Instructor and I’m Hitting on Some Weirdly Specific Things About You During This Class
Resist the urge to open your eyes and do a quick scan of the room, evaluating people’s yoga wear.
If the deer flares its nostrils, it means that when you debut a new outfit, at least two people will notice and compliment you on it.
P.U., this clown stunk! Literally, he smelled like he crawled out of a sewer.
It's not like I’m going to be walking in the park only to be attacked by a stealthy vending machine that pops out from behind a tree.
The big bag is a safer purchase. Now it won’t be the end of the world if I have one. I’d hate to disappoint the kids two years in a row.
Time to get these shoes and socks off, settle in, and make myself at home. The air helps my feet breathe.
Help: Never be afraid to ask for help. Some couples go to a marital counselor for help. Help.
"I only had two glasses of wine with dinner." Ah, ah, ah. Correction: you had two AND A HALF glasses of wine.
Let me guess, you didn’t want to carry it around with you for the rest of your walk and you planned on picking it up on your way home?
You've heard of Lil' Wayne and Lil' Kim, but doesn't Lil’ Dipper, Lil’ Sidetracked by Social Media, and Lil’ Antsy make so much more sense?
I’m the Pencil Sharpener in Your Classroom and I’m Here to Wear You and Your Pencil Down Until There Is Nothing Left
How'd you do this time? That looks marvelous! Oh, would you look at that: the lead just fell out. How does that even happen?