We’d Love to Pay You More, But We’d Rather Spend It on Boats and Cocaine
It’s just not something we care to do, because of our uncontrollable desire to own all of the boats and all of the cocaine.
Doug Kolic
Toronto
Doug’s satire and humor writing has appeared in The New Yorker, The Hard Times, Hard Drive, Points in Case, End of The Bench plus a few other outlets. Doug lives in Toronto.
Comedy Writing
Your Ego’s Writing Checks Your Body Can’t Cash! That’s Why You’re the Perfect Candidate for Our Top Gun Overdraft Protection Program
You’re in the top one percent of all naval aviators, with "a need, a need for speed." But I think you have a serious need for fiscal responsibility.
- by Doug Kolic
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- May 24, 2022
Advice for Dealing with the Stranger (Nicolas Cage?) Living in Your Walls
Install a shower in there so he’s not hogging your family’s only bathroom while you sleep. His hair is always getting clogged in the drain.
- by Doug Kolic
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- April 22, 2022
As Your Virtual Doctor, I Can’t Give You the Results of Your Brain Surgery Until You Smash That “Like” Button
Patients need to smash that so my bosses can track the popularity of this service, which will result in more financial support from our advertisers.
- by Doug Kolic
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- March 23, 2022
To the Horror Movie Villain Who’s Definitely Not Hiding Behind My Curtains
Are you embarrassed that I called you out, and now suffer from some sort of movie monster performance anxiety?
- by Doug Kolic
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- October 27, 2021