Welcome to our outdoor holiday market, located downtown in a vacant parking lot. We are open every Saturday and Sunday from Thanksgiving until Christmas. You will love the European-style celebratory winter village we created. Assuming you can get in.

Since hordes of revelers, thirsty for a “holiday experience,” descend on our market every weekend, please be prepared to wait in line. Remember, it’s the people who evoke the merry atmosphere you’re here to enjoy, and what’s a holiday village without a stampede of shoppers clawing their way to the tinsel-covered taco truck in a Santa hat?

Please note that there are two entrances to the market. We know you can’t see them from where you are in the queue because your line zigzags endlessly through city blocks in a nonsensical pattern, but trust us, they are there, and you will reach one of them eventually. That's when you’ll realize the second entrance has no line.

Wearing multiple warm layers will ensure that you and your loved ones have a wonderful time and don’t end up in the ER with hypothermia, like some of the folks last year.

When you finally do make it into our winter wonderland, you’ll feel perfectly cozy as you’ll be squished like sardines against other jolly market patrons who also froze in line and now crave the body heat of strangers to thaw.

Our holiday village is proud to feature 150 vendors, including many established local artists, craftspeople, and candlemakers. You will find them sprinkled amongst other local merchandise like alcohol and hot alcohol.

You may notice that you can’t talk to or hear the people you are with because the band you can’t see is loudly playing “Jingle Bells.” Don’t worry, just remember that you parked two miles away, so strolling back to the car will give you ample time to catch up with your bestie and commiserate about how you had to fight through traffic to get here and then pay an unseemly amount to park for two hours.

The hot cocoa booths are located every three feet for your convenience. This seasonal beverage will set you back only $16 dollars in a paper cup, but we highly recommend you get it in the commemorative ceramic mug. Oops, we ran out of paper cups, so now you have to buy it in a mug. You can look forward to enjoying it for years to come as you reminisce about that time in the market when you weren’t able to hold the $58 mug shaped like a snowflake with your stiff, cold fingers because it doesn’t have a handle.

Would you like a crepe? That’s what they eat at winter markets in Paris. That’s Paris, France! The crepe vendor is on the opposite side of where you are now. If you’re here with a friend, we recommend that one of you stays in the hot chocolate line, which should only take two to three hours, while the other brazenly steps on the heads of the other revelers to get across the village. Later, you can play Marco Polo to find your friend again, so fun!

Once your crepe order is ready, you’ll need to be ambidextrous. You can try to use a knife and fork with one hand while balancing the snowflake mug in the other before giving up and shoving the entire crepe into your mouth as warm Nutella oozes down your wrist into the sleeve somewhere between two of your 57 layers. That’s what they do in France.

Did you want to buy presents for your loved ones? If you get lucky, you may catch a glimpse of the elusive local artist somewhere. There should be at least one craftsperson here selling flannel hats or horoscope keychains. We would tell you exactly where, but we don’t remember. We did advertise this market as primarily full of craftspeople and artists, but the profit margins on spiked hot beverages are just so much better, and isn’t that what the holidays are all about?

Looks like you finally got your leaky crepe and your wobbly cocoa! We’re so sorry, but the market closes at 9 P.M. sharp. Please make your way to the exit. You cannot take any food or drinks outside with you. The trash bins are everywhere, but they are full.

If you are still in line waiting to get in, we recommend that you just stay here until tomorrow. It’s the best way to ensure you get into our winter wonderland. Eventually.