I’ve Got a Lot of Money Riding on This Peewee Soccer Game
I know your coach said it doesn’t matter if you win or lose. Your coach has obviously never been up to his asshole in debt for betting on collegiate air hockey.
Tag: Money
Introducing the “Choose Your Most Important Body Part” Health Insurance Plan
Choose a select body part for coverage. Options may include*: arm (1 only), leg (1 only), eye (1 only), lip (1 only), tongue, neck, forehead, or skin (maximum 1 square ft section).
Our Fracking Site Groundbreaking Will Now Begin with a Land Acknowledgment
We’ve tried to make it easy to avoid those cumbersome demonstrations with our soundproofed wall of historic woven blankets.
Spend $10 on Cigarettes, Get $500 in Bonus Cigarettes on Us
Here at CigKings, our company philosophy is simple: we give away large sums of money out of the goodness of our hearts.
Why Is This Bowl $300? And Other FAQs I Get as a Shoppe Owner
Where did you get the inspiration for your earthenware mushroom potpourri? Would you ask Monet where he got the inspiration for his water lilies?
Your Bank’s Insurance Application Has Been Denied Because It’s in a Heist Movie
Remember the opening scene from "The Dark Knight"? That was one of ours.
Stage Directions for a Stock Photo Shoot for a Market Meltdown
Try it again and think about every stock market in America crashing into fiery flames like the Hindenburg.
I’m the Owner of the Little Boutique You Just Walked Into—Good Luck Leaving Without Buying Anything
Are you looking for anything specific today? Just browsing? Awesome—mind if I watch from the other side of the room?
Suggested Zillow Listings in Your Price Range
The Gingerbread House from Hansel and Gretel: Start a new magical chapter in your storybook with this enchanted cottage built entirely out of candy!
Sorry There’s No Pictures of You from Second to Sixth Grade, We Ran Out of Google Storage
What would you rather have: frugal parents who saved almost $2 a month, or documented proof that you experienced a childhood?
How I’ll Spend Every Minute of My Fifteen Minutes of Fame
Minute 4: I cut out all fake friends, they’re leeches.
Everything I’m Going to Do with My $3.32 Wells Fargo Cash Rewards
Add “new money” to my Instagram bio. / Start waving the way the Royals do.